My Love Forgive Read online

  Something beautiful and dark pushed through the barren ground of normalcy.

  He’s not lying to me.

  I deflated and rested my head against his chest. My heart lightened just enough for me to say, “Captivity makes me special then.”

  “Yes. I’m happy you’ve come to understand that so quickly.” He kissed my cheek. I shuddered from the person I’d become entrapped by.

  “What’s wrong? Are you cold?”

  “You always pay me back for whatever I do against you.”

  “Yes, that’s true.”

  “I slapped you. Hard.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “You’re going to get me back for hitting you.”

  He squeezed me and laughed. “It wouldn’t be punishment if you knew when and what was going to happen, would it?”

  “No, it wouldn’t.”

  “Don’t pout, Risa. It’s unbecoming of my special girl to do so.” He softened the stern admonishment by bouncing me on his knee. “Will you stop fighting me?”

  Yes. I want things to go back to the way they were.

  It was impossible. Everything had already changed.

  It scared me how I’d fallen so quickly under Damian’s spell. All it took was an easily tossed suggestion of love and affection to have me under his thumb again. I knew what I had to do.

  What I should’ve already thought of as soon as I came to.

  Somehow, someway I was going to need Damian to drop his guard and then I’d succeed in leaving. What happened after that was something I couldn’t think about right now.

  “Yes.”

  No.

  He observed me, effortlessly drawing me into his exotic stare. “I can trust you, right?”

  “Yes.”

  No.

  “You won’t fight me?”

  “As much as I can stop myself.”

  Every step of the way.

  He smiled. “I believe you.”

  I got the strange feeling that he was testing me. Unnerved, I tried to distract him. “Damian, you know this is crazy, right? Believing me?”

  Wow. Why did I just say that to him? Was I trying to get caught?

  “I believe you.”

  I looked down at my lap. Beyond logic, beyond right, I felt guilty. “I’ve always trusted you too, Damian.”

  Until now.

  He shook his head at my lie. “If you did you wouldn’t have tried to leave me last night.”

  There was nothing I could say that would have any affect on our situation. I had the right to leave last night if I wanted. Obviously, Damian didn’t agree and that’s why I was chained to the bed. Anything said at this point was simply circular.

  Still, I couldn’t ignore the very real hurt hiding behind Damian’s words.

  “Why did you try to leave me?”

  I clenched my jaw. “What difference does it make?”

  “Because I want to know. You owe me at least that much.”

  “Because I…” I love you and you didn’t love me. “You really want to know?”

  “Tell me.”

  “Because I saw how you were looking at me.”

  “How I looked at you? You tried to break up with me because of a look.”

  His even drawl made me feel ridiculous beyond words. “You looked like you hated me,” I defended. “I saw it.”

  “Why would I hate you, Risa?”

  Damian asked it with the surety of an innocent man. I didn’t know what felt worse—the growing ache in my heart or the bruise in my pride.

  “Risa?”

  The impatient prompt coaxed me to spill out, “I know you don’t really like me most of the time. You constantly pick on everything I say or do. The only time you seem to like me is when I’m naked. Eventually that was going to go away. I decided to save us both the embarrassment.”

  Damian moved me off him and onto my side. He then mirrored my position. “No, you decided to save yourself the embarrassment by not discussing your feelings with me.”

  “Would you have listened?”

  He didn’t answer immediately. “I’m listening now. What you call ‘picking’ I call ‘taking an interest.’ However, you are right. There are certain things I don’t like about your behavior.”

  Charged silence stretched between us. I cleared my throat and crossed my ankles. It was bound to be a long list. I might as well have settled in and endured as best as I could.

  “Such as?”

  “I don’t like your continuous need to hide things from me.”

  “I don’t hide everything from you. I just need my privacy. That’s all.”

  “And that’s a problem.”

  “No, it’s not. I hardly know anything about you, Damian. Why do you have a right to privacy and I don’t?”

  “You’ve never asked about my life.”

  I opened my mouth to refute him before snapping it shut. He was right. I had made it a point not to push. “You’re always so cagey with your words. I figured you’d be that way about your life.”

  His sensuous lips curled into a wry smile. “I’m not always so cagey.”

  “So it’s just me?”

  “Actually, yes.”

  “I find that hard to believe.”

  Damian laughed. “I know, but it’s true.”

  His happiness drove through me like a knife. Now he wanted to be close, but I didn’t. Not like this. Even though my stupid heart thrilled at him finally sharing confidences with me, I had to remain strong.

  I couldn’t forget that for all Damian’s kindness, he was still keeping me here against my will. In direct contrast to the tightness in my chest, I said lightly, “Well, we have nothing but time to share now since I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

  22

  Damian kissed my temple. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For still wanting to love me.”

  There it went again. Pain. Pain because since meeting Damian all I ever wanted was his love and now all I had was regret. I was scared and angry. Worse, the longer I was with Damian, the more confused I was about being here with him.

  If it was just about sex I wouldn’t be so upset. I would’ve loved to have been chained to his bed for a whole weekend. I loved being the center of Damian’s attention, but this felt so wrong.

  Wasn’t it?

  “Do you think you’ll let me out by Monday?” I asked while drawing a circle on my leg.

  “That’s up to you.”

  I hated his noncommittal attitude towards this! “I’m going to get fired if I don’t go to work on Monday, Damian. You have to understand that.”

  “No, you won’t be fired. That I can promise.”

  “How?”

  “I have it on good authority that the boss won’t fire you for this, Risa.”

  “Aren’t you going to say more than that?”

  Damian shook his head and gave me another tiny, cryptic smile.

  My anger flared. I swallowed it down and focused on attention back on my lap.

  “If you trusted me you wouldn’t be upset about this, Risa.”

  “If I trusted you?” I exploded. “Damian, do you really not understand why what you’ve done is wrong? You’d be through the roof if I did the same thing to you.”

  He flicked my forehead with his finger. “But you’re not me.”

  I didn’t give a damn about my frowning. “No, I’m not. Apparently I’m a complete idiot for not taking this chain and choking you to death with it.”

  “But then you would be broken-hearted for the rest of your life.” Damian kissed the top of my head and hugged me tightly for good measure. “Wouldn’t you? Tell me at least that much.”

  “Maybe.” I rubbed my cheek against his bare chest. I had a role to play until I got my freedom, but it was so easy to forget when I was in his arms. Being here with Damian felt so right. “You’re really going to keep me here.”

  “Of course. No one is here to stop us.”

  Mea
ning you’ve already done it to me and I can’t stop you.

  “You’ve chained me to a bed, locked me in a room, and I’m just lying here right next to you. I mean what does this say about us? About me?”

  If I didn’t fix my brain-mouth connection soon I’d give myself away to Damian.

  “Society doesn’t matter here. What other people think doesn’t matter here. Nothing matters but us.”

  “I’m sure the police would feel differently.”

  Damian cupped the back of my head. “I’m sure they would. Although it would be rather hypocritical considering the law is known for being creative problem-solvers.”

  “You’re so confident.”

  “I have to be. Otherwise…”

  “Otherwise what?”

  “You’re smart, Risa. Fill in the blanks.”

  You’ll keep me here forever or until one of us breaks.

  “What if I can’t go along with this?”

  “You will.”

  “What if I can’t give you what you want?”

  “You can.”

  “What if I disappear?”

  “I’ll find you.”

  “You really love me?”

  “Always.”

  I could no more control my feelings or my words than I could the stars. Maybe it was the stress of the last twelve hours or maybe because Damian was right here, just the way I always wanted, but I suddenly needed to be honest at least about this.

  “Damian, I love you too. I’ve loved you forever.”

  His ecstatic smile made my questionable madness worth it. “You’ll accept everything without fighting me?”

  “Yes.”

  No.

  “Even without knowing what’s to come?”

  My enthusiasm faltered. “Yes.”

  No.

  “It’s going to be brutal, Risa. For us both. Just remember that.”

  I nodded. “I will.”

  “Good.”

  Clearing my throat, I said, “Damian, I hate to be crude but I have to go pee.”

  “Okay.” He slid an arm underneath my legs and lifted me off the bed.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Taking you to the bathroom.”

  “I can go on my own!”

  “You lost that privilege when you used your hands against me instead of your words.”

  “Do you mean I can’t go without you taking me?”

  “I so enjoy your quick mind. It saves us both lots of time.”

  “There has to be something else you can do instead.”

  “Negotiation isn’t an option with me. I hope you understand that as quickly as you did this.” Damian opened the door to the large en suite bathroom. He deposited me by the toilet. True to his word, the chain reached with plenty of length to get into the whirlpool tub as well.

  My heartbeat picked up speed but I tried to maintain control over my outward emotions. “Okay, you can go now. Thanks for the lift.”

  “No, my sweet Risa.”

  Horror dominated my disbelief when Damian’s angelic smile darkened with sadistic delight.

  “I’m sorry…I…I don’t understand.”

  “You understand me perfectly well.”

  23

  DAMIAN

  Three Weeks Earlier: Risa and Damian’s Office Building

  She was avoiding me. Again.

  I checked my temper as Risa’s black skirt flew up from her mad dash into the bathroom. It was almost comical the way she’d taken one look at me before lunging for the door.

  You’re really going to hurt my feelings if you’re any more obvious.

  After seeing Gretchen to her car the night before, I’d driven the route between my apartment and Risa’s eight times. No Risa. I’d called her twice. No answer. I’d cursed her 267 times. No relief.

  Now seeing her in perfect health, spry enough to dodge me by hiding in the bathroom, and thinking me stupid enough to keep walking by just to save face created a dangerous break within my vaulted self-control.

  Fuck that. It’s time for Risa to see a bit of who I can really be.

  I walked up to the door, checked the hallway, and slipped inside. If there was anyone besides Risa, I’d throw on a flustered expression, babble my apologies, and retreat.

  If not…

  Risa, this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable. Today will be the day you learn this directly from my hand.

  I looked around the corner and smiled. Small, with only three unoccupied stalls, it was easy to see it devoid of annoying, breathing obstacles. The empty bathroom immediately transformed into a treasure box filled with delicious possibilities.

  Too bad it’s too early in our relationship to really do anything about it.

  I locked the door and sauntered over to the small woman hovering by the far wall.

  “Stop frowning, Risa.”

  She whipped around, breathing my name in shock. “What are you doing here?”

  The tiny quiver in her voice made me hard. Usually, I tried to be a good boy but something about Risa brought out the bad man in me. I hoped to push her limits a bit more.

  “The same goes for you.”

  She craned her head to look around my arm. “Damian! You can’t be in here! What if someone comes in?”

  “I locked the door already.”

  “You cannot be here. You have to leave now.” Risa commanded it, fully expecting me to obey her. Poor girl. She still didn’t understand what kind of man she took on when she agreed to see me.

  “Why are you avoiding me?”

  “I’m not.” Her flush betrayed her.

  “Liar.” I encroached into her personal space. Risa backed up against the taupe wall. The top of her head came even with the bottom of the framed flower print. “I looked for you last night. I was very worried that something may have happened to you.”

  “Well, as you can see I’m okay.” Her breathy explanation ended with a dazzling, insincere grin.

  “You didn’t answer your phone last night.”

  She looked away. “I know. I just didn’t feel like talking.”

  “Why didn’t you want to talk to me?”

  “I’m sure you can figure that out, Damian.” Risa’s resentful gaze slammed into me before darting away.

  Defiance. Interesting.

  “I didn’t want you to go last night, Risa.”

  “You were more than busy enough to have me over.”

  “Yes, but I wanted to spend my time with you.”

  “And Gretchen wanted to spend her time with you. Stereotypical triangle, right?”

  I smiled. My fingers tingled with the inappropriate urge to pull her into me. “There can only be a triangle if the top vertex cannot decide between the bottom vertices. We are definitely a line segment, Risa.”

  “So you say now, Damian.”

  “So I say always.” I took in her black jacket with matching chemise. “You look very pretty today.” My change of direction flustered her. Pleased as I was, I barely resisted the urge to tap her ensuing frown away.

  “Thank you.”

  “Do you notice anything similar between us?”

  Risa’s dark eyes darted from my chest, up, down, and then back again. “You’re wearing all black today too.”

  “Yes. Do you know why?” I waited until she shook her head. “Probably for the same reason you did.”

  “Which is?”

  “I was very angry at the thought that today would be the day we’d stop seeing one another.”

  Risa’s full mouth shriveled into a tight, crimson pucker. “I’m not the one who’s still attached.”

  “Neither am I.”

  She crossed small arms across her chest. I watched in displeasure when she twisted her upper half away from me.

  “Ask me, Risa.”

  “Ask you what?”

  “Ask me why Gretchen was at my door.”

  “I don’t really care.” Neither of us believed her. Risa tried again. “I mean, I do, bu
t it’s really none of my business.”

  “True. It is none of your business but I want to tell you anyway. So ask me.”

  Risa dipped her head and grudgingly obeyed. “Why was she there last night?”

  She reminded me of a rabbit—cautious, worried, adorable, and above all, curious. I wanted to pet, cuddle, and devour her—not necessarily in the same order.

  I’m going to so enjoy having you beneath me. I wonder if I’ll have to put pillows beneath your knees when you suck my cock because you’re so short.

  “Gretchen was lost. She knows differently now and she won’t ever intrude on us again.”

  “That’s a strange way to put it.”

  “Yes, but it doesn’t make it any less true.”

  Risa looked up at me. Her eyes betrayed a terrible darkness inside. “She’s your ex-girlfriend?”

  “Yes. A little closer than that actually.”

  “Oh.”

  Sadness seeped into her posture. She reminded me of a crumpled origami flower—beautifully unnatural and all the more fragile because of it.

  “I’m sorry to hear that, Damian.”

  That’s the first honest thing you’ve said to me and I bet you don’t even know what you really mean.

  “Thank you.”

  “Was it a difficult breakup?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve never dated anyone for a long enough time to get too attached. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have to end such a serious relationship.”

  “Risa, I’m telling you this for a reason beyond sympathy and condolences. My relationship with Gretchen has been over for three months. Last night was the first night I’d seen her since we terminated our contact.”

  “Really? I think that’s rather cruel.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes.” She gave a quick sigh before she turned to face me fully. “Gretchen obviously still loves you very much. To have just ended things with her and then not seen her during all this time is hurtful.”

  “You’re very noble to care about another woman.”

  “I’m not trying to be.”

  “Yes, but you are all the same.”

  “Thanks. I think.”

  “Will you see me tonight?”

  She pursed her mouth again. “I don’t know.”