My Love Protect Read online

  They were as real as the scar in my skull.

  I loved Risa Kelly with all of me.

  And she loves me too. No matter what distance between us she’s trying to forge now.

  I understood even as I set my will to eradicate her barriers. She’d done nothing less for me.

  Remembering every detail of her devotion, I let my love for Risa swell. She’d run from me at the beginning because she couldn’t handle her feelings. But when she had every reason and right to leave, she’d stayed.

  Not out of fear. Not out of obligation.

  But for me.

  Risa had proved her love a million times over. She didn’t deserve any of this. Not the subterfuge, murder, and threat. Our reunion should’ve been different.

  What could I have done to avert this? Should I have snatched her off the street with a well-timed punch to Steve’s throat? Was it my hesitation that caused this downfall?

  No. You know what…rather who.

  The memory of hearing Risa run into the room, seeing her colorless face as she saw me pointing a gun at her assassin…

  I had to consciously keep myself from squeezing her delicate hand as black rage pumped through my system like venom.

  Risa witnessed a side of me that hadn’t been constructed to exist. For that alone I relished knowing the bastard assassin had been liquefied into oblivion.

  How the fuck could someone come into Risa’s apartment and think to kill her? Worse than that unforgivable sin, I committed one nearly as grave.

  I let my fury demolish my intellect. I didn’t confirm who sent him before I blew the bastard’s brains out.

  This is what happens when you let your emotions rise. They become a tsunami with no purpose other than to destroy.

  It was too late now. I’d eliminated the link to the source. Now all I had left were possibilities and conjecture.

  What caused the breaking point? Was it a rival Konstantinov faction or a splinter from within?

  My father’s decision to dismantle his empire wasn’t universally met with cheers and good wishes for a peaceful retirement. Grigor knew the danger he unleashed when he made his decision.

  Pain stabbed me. I kept my breathing even, making sure not to let even a ghost of emotion appear on my face.

  Risa was watching, like always, and it wouldn’t do to have her worry about something she had no control over.

  These memories were my burden and I’d die before I let her shoulder even one ounce of my misery. Which meant a series of actions to elicit the desired cause and its inevitable affect.

  I was good at that.

  “Don’t worry about me, Risa. I’m perfectly fine. I don’t have a dissociative personality.”

  One couldn’t have it and be in full control, could one?

  “I can’t help but worry.” She frowned and pressed, “I know you’re not crazy. It’s still not good for you. I mean it.”

  Thankfully her frown smoothed or I’d be forced to remind her to stop it. “You’re what’s good for me.”

  She didn’t take the bait. “I’m serious, Damian. You shouldn’t split yourself in two. Not for me.”

  “Everything I do is for you, my love.” I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed her baby-soft knuckles.

  Looking over at Risa, I saw the lovely flush of pink on her cheeks. There was a wall between us, one built brick-by-brick through my mad idiocy in New York, but it wasn’t high enough for me.

  I’d scale it and her.

  Risa was worth it.

  20

  She murmured my name and slid her hand from mine. I missed the perfection of her palm, but all in due time.

  I respected Risa’s need for strength. She didn’t want to be with me out of habit or because she wasn’t strong enough to stand on her own.

  Domination aside, I wanted Risa at her strongest because I wanted her to be happy and whole. My need to control, pet, and protect Risa was an entity unto itself.

  One had virtually nothing to do with the other.

  I’d push against Risa’s walls when appropriate and submit to her anger and despair as I deserved. All to heal the wounds my other side inflicted upon this wonderful woman I didn’t deserve.

  “You still haven’t answered me, Damian.”

  “About what?”

  “Where are we?”

  I could tell her but it could set a bad precedent. Was it worth it? I ran through all the possible outcomes before I knew for certain. My projections came to one conclusion.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Risa crossed her arms. “This is ridiculous. There’s no reason not to tell me. It’s not like I’m your prisoner.”

  Although not a praying man, I hoped Risa wouldn’t push the point. Of course, since I wasn’t a praying man the greater deity left me out to hang.

  “I’m not, am I?”

  Mentally, I calculated how far we were from the safe house. Ten minutes. It’d go by in dog years.

  “Define prisoner.”

  Risa’s brow creased in a heavy frown. My fingers itched to tap the space. Fuck it. She was already upset with me. I couldn’t make things worse, but I could begin the slow journey back to us.

  “Don’t do that, little girl.” Risa slapped at my hand but not before it completed its mission.

  “Seriously, Damian? We’re back to square one again?”

  I knew better than to believe she’d let this go. Very well.

  In for a penny, in for a pound.

  “Risa, I’m not taking chances with your safety.”

  Her chest rose faster and faster still. “You’ve taken me from everything I know. From my job, my family, my life, and you don’t even have the decency to treat me like an equal. If this is how it’s going to be you might as well put me on a plane back home.”

  That wouldn’t do.

  “You know I can’t and won’t do that, Risa.” She responded to my soft tone with a frustrated sigh. It wasn’t much, but I saw an opening. I took it. “Besides, your job with Steve Holland couldn’t continue and you know it.”

  “Why? Because you say so?”

  “Correct. He had no right to insert himself into your life. You’re mine and mine is how you’re going to stay.”

  Risa clenched both her fists while wildly looking around. There was nothing for her to throw. There was something to be said for small favors.

  “You’re impossible!”

  “Are you going to deny my claim on you, Risa?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes. Yes, I am.”

  “I don’t accept it.”

  “Clearly. You never do.”

  As if she truly wanted me to deny her. Risa had a right to be angry. She didn’t have a right to be a martyr.

  “Careful, little girl,” I warned coolly. “Despite our current issues there are some rules that cannot be broken.”

  “Such as?”

  “Honesty. I still expect the truth from you.”

  “No! You are not going to make demands on me. We are not together. Until we get things straight between us, you do not have the right to expect anything from me.”

  My patience was all for Risa, but this had gone on long enough. She’d become a broken record which meant she was stubbornly digging in her heels just to do it.

  Not necessarily because she believed in her point.

  But what if that’s not true? What if she really means it?

  No.

  I checked behind us and to the front. Nothing. I pulled over to the side of the road, put the gearshift in neutral, pulled up the handbrake, and left the engine running.

  Risa looked about, mouth plump with a kissable pout. “What are you doing?”

  The sadist in me enjoyed hearing the tinge of panic darkening her sweet voice. Silence made a wonderful weapon, especially to a chatterbox like Risa.

  I sat there, facing my beloved, and not saying a word.

  21

  “What?”

  Silence.

  She shifted in
her seat. “Seriously, Damian. What’s the point of this?”

  Silence.

  “What? You’re pissed? You think I’m acting like a brat? You think I’m ungrateful? What is it?”

  Silence.

  Risa crossed her arms and lifted her chin. “If you think I’m apologizing, well, forget it. I’m not apologizing for shit. I wasn’t the one who screwed up, Damian. You were. Considering the circumstances, I’ve been a damn saint.”

  Silence and a head cock. Her language really had devolved in my absence.

  Risa’s cheeks brightened. She huffed and worked herself up into a verbal frenzy. “Okay, maybe I am being a little unfair, but you know what? I can do that. I am entitled to being angry and less than perfect.”

  I raised my brow. I never expected perfection from Risa. Besides, where was the fun in perfection? I liked her messy, if anything, just so I could discipline her and then hold her close afterward.

  It’d been too long since I had her straining and crying against me. Those were the times I loved her the most. Knowing she needed me, feeling the depth of her emotion for me, being privy to a side of her no one else ever saw…

  I thickened uncomfortably in my jeans. I was used to it. Always being hard was a common occurrence since I first met Risa.

  But it wasn’t just lust.

  I loved Risa messy because I couldn’t be. I had to be in control at all times, but with her I could indirectly indulge. If I looked back past the parts that made me mentally retch these past few months, I’d say what I missed the most was Risa’s cheerful smile.

  And not the brilliantly false one she used to hide behind.

  No, I missed the utter openness of her grin and emotions. So much like a child’s, they lacked artifice because Risa was inherently honest to a fault. The lie she’d been manipulated into supporting stole that light from her.

  And from me.

  So no, I absolutely did not expect or want Risa’s perfection. I simply wanted her as she once was. Happy and fully in love with me.

  She wasn’t fully happy was she? If she was then you wouldn’t have had to take her to France.

  Risa avoided my gaze. I was glad for it. It hit too close to a possibility I didn’t want to think about.

  “Okay, maybe I have been a bitch. I admit it. And maybe, I, uh, understand why you might think I’m being a brat. I know you’re trying to take care of me, trying to keep me alive, I know that. I know you wouldn’t just take me someplace if it wasn’t important. I know this isn’t like France.”

  That was where she erred. It was indeed like France. Different details but the end result was the same—Risa had to stay with me. Forever.

  I made sure to keep my unblinking stare locked with hers when she braved looking back towards me.

  “And yes, I don’t hold France against you. I would’ve regretted ending things with you for the rest of my life if you hadn’t taken that very illegal step.”

  I allowed a ghost of a smile to touch my lips. I’d break every law known to man if it meant keeping Risa and keeping her safe. I killed for her and would kill again, all without losing one second of sleep.

  For her.

  Everything in my life was for her.

  Risa’s lower lip trembled. “I get that it doesn’t really matter where we are. It doesn’t change anything. We could be in Denmark, Iceland, Russia, or even Antarctica. I’d still stay with you—no matter how crazy you make me sometimes.”

  In that we shared commonality. If only Risa would just trust in me completely.

  She sniffled. “I know anything you do is to keep me safe. I know it, but you just make me so damned frustrated! Everything is black and white with you. Your logic doesn’t allow for this kind of opposition. And I can’t be like you. I tried, Damian, and I just can’t be that way.”

  My sweet girl had misunderstood everything so badly. Correction was in order.

  Immediately.

  “I don’t want you to be like me, Risa. I don’t expect it nor would I want it even if I could change your personality. I love you as you are, Risa. It’s not my intention to mold you into something you’re inherently not.”

  Reaching for my girl, I pulled Risa towards me until her head rested against my chest. The familiar shampoo scent teased sweet memories out of me again. Every whiff of vanilla was a reminder of the home I’d secretly built with Risa for one beautiful month in Austin.

  One I couldn’t live without. She was it for me. A love to last a lifetime.

  “But you do want to mold me.”

  “Yes, I do.” There was no reason to soften my words or make excuses. “But as I mold you, so you mold me. You’ve changed me for the better, Risa, and I’d like to think I’ve had the same kind of effect on you.”

  I hung on tenterhooks until she softly said, “You have. I know I’m stronger because of you. That’s why I can’t just roll over for you on this. The girl I was before was so terrified of losing you that I’d do just about anything to stop feeling that way. Including leaving you. I never felt safe by your side, Damian, and I still don’t.”

  Agony stained my being. I was the creator of this. Not just from New York but even before.

  I knew Risa had been insecure about my affection. I’d miscalculated, believing time was what she needed to understand my intentions and devotion to her. But an unforeseen bullet robbed us of that time.

  There was so much wrong with how we started and where we were now.

  “Damian? Were…are you serious about wanting to…” She hesitated, biting her lip and then looking away.

  “Win you back?”

  “Yes.”

  Now wasn’t the moment to tell her I wasn’t going to win back what was already mine. However, did I want to make up for the lunacy of the past months?

  Absolutely.

  “I am serious, little girl.”

  She didn’t deny my use of the pet name this time. My chest eased.

  “You mean it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then you need to know things have to be different with us. I understand you’re taking care of this in your way, but I spent too much time being left in the dark. I am not going to be okay living that way again.”

  She inhaled deeply and then rushed forward.

  “If this is ever going to work between us then you have to include me. Don’t just make decisions for us both. I’m your equal in this, Damian. If you respect me, you’ll see me in that light.”

  Risa stepped into her power and I was so proud of her. This was true growth and I was proud to see it. To feel it.

  “Romania.”

  22

  Risa stilled and then whispered, “Thank you.”

  I knew I made the right decision when I saw the wobbly smile on her lush lips. It was such a little thing to do for her even though I loathed losing the slightest control.

  I’d still do it again.

  For her.

  Everything for Risa.

  I stared at her mouth. I needed to taste her, to feel alive and connected as only I could with this woman. She looked up and froze. This close I saw her pupils dilate. Her breathing quickened. A flush rose on her smooth skin.

  My mouth crashed against hers.

  Risa could’ve turned away. She could’ve slapped me. Lectured me. Looked at me with disgust.

  But she didn’t.

  Risa opened for me with a tiny cry. Her fingers raked through my hair before clasping the back of my neck. With each pull of her fingers, violence and pleasure intoxicated me. I needed her. This. I needed Risa’s breath to become mine. I needed to hear her jagged cries as she fought to get closer.

  Heady with her scent, I plunged my tongue deep in her wanton little mouth. Risa moaned and pushed her chest against me. I wasted no time in going under her shirt and bra. Pinching Risa’s nipples between my thumb and forefinger, I relished how hard her back arched.

  I wanted to play with her tits. I wanted to put my hand down her pants and part her soft lips and rub
her clit until she came.

  Fuck. I wanted to do more than that.

  I wanted to pull her clothes off and straddle her over my cock. Just imagining Risa’s sighs and moans made me kiss her harder. Quickly, I unbuckled her seatbelt and pushed Risa against the window, pinning her wrists up on either side of her head.

  Risa groaned my name. Three syllables never sounded sweeter.

  It wouldn’t take much for either of us give into passion, especially when she sucked on my tongue so hungrily. Every decadent suck brought a thousand sensations of just how perfect Risa’s mouth was when stretched wide around my cock.

  Sweetest love and filthiest lust. I wanted to put her on a pedestal but keep her on her knees.

  It was us. Love and hate. Sex and violence.

  The longer we kissed, the more it became a beautiful torture. To be this close to Risa, to feel her delicious body plastered against mine, but not be able to sink deep inside her slick pussy…

  I could do it.

  A tug here, a pull there, and Risa would be mine for the taking.

  She wanted me so badly, I could practically hear her calling for me. I’d please my girl by giving her all the orgasms she could stand. I’d prove how much I loved her…

  Love her by keeping your control. This is neither the time or the place.

  Wrenching back, I put badly needed distance between us. Risa’s chest rose and fell with rough cadence. Mine matched hers. I saw the questions on her lips, ones that demanded for me to tell her why I stopped.

  Dull pain radiated from my cock. I welcomed it.

  Now wasn’t the time to fuck Risa. We had a schedule to keep. Besides, when we came together it would be with soft sheets, champagne, and candlelight. Not in a shitty car on the side of the road.

  She deserved more than a quick tumble. And she damned sure deserved a man who’d not get caught with his pants down.

  I tried to smile before abandoning the attempt. Carefully, I arranged her clothing and then guided Risa back into her seat. My love’s ragged breath tickled against my neck. Each exhale was a protest and plea to continue.

  Resolute, I buckled her in and then settled the cute cap back on straight.