My Love Forgive Read online

  “Fuck my face. Move your hips. Yes, just like that!”

  I obeyed, much as I usually did, out of longing and a terrible need to please him. Still the melancholy had me in its destructive grip. It had been getting harder lately to drown it out.

  I’m trying, Damian. I’m really, really trying to be what you want me to be. To be as unattached as you are and only letting my body need yours.

  Damian’s tongue swished side to side. He nibbled on one lip before lovingly attending its bare twin. His groans punched through my gasps, silencing them as I fixated on him.

  “Are you going to come soon?”

  My breathing hitched. I nodded, knowing his eyes had never left mine despite the silken ribbon concealing them.

  “Tell me how good it feels, baby.”

  My mouth became an extension of his desires. “It feels so good…yes! Please…”

  “Tell me how bad you want it.”

  “I want you, Damian! I want you so badly!” My trembling made me sway forward. He jerked me back with a firm yank.

  “Don’t hide your face from me!”

  Damian then bit the top of my shaven mound. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I had bit him, but it stung nonetheless. I swallowed a scream of shock.

  You always pay me back, don’t you? Is this how it’s always going to be? Tit for tat isn’t much fun anymore—not when I don’t know if it’s okay to feel the way I do for you.

  “Where did you go, Risa? Are you trying to get lost? You shouldn’t…” Damian pressed tiny kisses to my clit after each crooned word.

  My throat caged his name. The pain fired along my nerve endings. Perverse, just the way he’d made me, I rocked my hips faster and chased the pulsing preludes to ecstasy.

  “Are you trying to run away from me? Are you trying to get lost so I can’t find you?” Damian tipped his head up to break off tantalizing contact. I sensed his feral smile. I’m sure it would’ve frightened me if I could see it.

  “I have to tell you something, Damian.”

  His carnal kissing slowed. Warmth permeated each whispered word. “What is it? You can tell me anything.”

  “This isn’t much fun anymore.”

  I immediately twisted my wrists to try to slap my hands against my treacherous mouth.

  Damian merely squeezed them brutally until I stopped.

  “Kissing you like this isn’t fun anymore, Risa? Okay. I won’t do it again.”

  “No! That’s not what I meant!”

  “It better be what you meant because otherwise I will be very upset with you, Risa. Very. Very. Upset.”

  “Damian…I…I…” My voice betrayed me, falling into silence and leaving me with only my thoughts to continue.

  Damian, I just want you to love me. I can and will do anything for you if you just love me.

  He cut through my stuttering. “You don’t like my control of you because you’re starting to feel ashamed. You’ve reasoned to yourself that if I loved you then what we do is okay. Otherwise, it isn’t. Have I summarized your feelings in a satisfactory manner?”

  Damian was so cold. So very, very cold.

  I’m going to lose him by telling the truth. Damian won’t need me anymore. He’ll replace me with someone else, someone else who won’t want his love.

  Someone who isn’t me.

  Tears seeped from beneath the satin ribbon. Panic ate into my self-control. The idea of Damian throwing me away because I failed...it was insupportable.

  I love you more than even I can understand.

  When he prompted me again, I did the only thing I knew how to do anymore. I gave myself over.

  “Please punish me for being so disrespectful, Damian.”

  10

  One Month Earlier

  The restaurant was one of a thousand slick, modern, and forgettable structures. The loud music, tiny tables, and outrageous prices passed for a typical dining experience in the city. However, the waitresses gliding by in black babydoll t-shirts with matching skirts and thigh-high stockings gave me a case of feminine envy.

  Working here would be totally worth it if just for the uniform. I could totally rock that out especially with pigtails!

  My fixation on the zipping shadows didn’t seem to escape Damian’s attention.

  “Is that what you would prefer?”

  “Girls? Oh, no! No. No.” I hemmed and hawed before explaining with a flurry of hands, “I just like their outfits.”

  After shocking me in the hallway this morning, Damian asked me out and while I tried to play it cool and think about it, we both knew I was dying for the chance to say yes.

  I couldn’t even begin to explain why I was so enthralled with this man. It went past my logic and settled deep on a cellular level. I just knew I felt thrown off-balance and blazingly alive anytime I was around Damian Black.

  So I definitely did not want to mess this date up.

  Damian regarded me from beneath a detached gaze. The clinical observation made me nervous. I replayed my answer but couldn’t find anything too odd with what I had said. Unable to take his silence any longer, I blurted out, “What?”

  “That’s not what I asked.”

  My stomach dropped. “Really? What did you then?”

  Why is it every time I’m with him I devolve into an airhead? I spaced out and never even heard him.

  “Before you got distracted by thigh highs, I asked if you would prefer honesty or if you would prefer to continue with the accepted mating ritual between men and women?”

  I blinked, unsure of where Damian was going. “Honesty of course.”

  “Of course? You answered so quickly. Are you really sure you thought that through?” Damian smiled much like the despotic Wolf must have when encountering his darling Red. I leaned closer, once more drawn to him without conscious thought.

  “There was nothing to think through. Honesty is the only way to go. Otherwise, why bother?”

  “Good. I would like that as well.”

  “Okay! I’m all for honesty, Damian. What should we start with? Oh! How about this? Do you know where my name comes from?”

  He shook his head, tiny smile affixed on his sensuous lips.

  “Really? It’s actually from Star Trek and—” I ground to a halt when Damian placed his hand over mine. A flutter of desire licked along my veins.

  “I’ve never watched Star Trek nor do I have any intention of watching it.”

  Oh no! He’s misunderstanding what I meant. I didn’t mean to imply anything bad about him.

  I might’ve apologized immediately if I didn’t feel so inept. I was an Account Executive who was supposed to have exemplary people skills, so why couldn’t I seem to say the right thing to him? “Oh, okay. Sorry.” Flustered, I took a large swallow of something cold. It charged down my throat in a tasteless rush.

  I just offended him and that wasn’t my intention. I’m really proud of my name because my dad loved Star Trek and still does. I spent my childhood watching it with him and going to tons of conventions as a family. I love Star Trek.

  “Just because I’m in IT doesn’t mean I’m a virgin who lives in my mother’s basement, plays video games, and watches Star Trek. Neither do the people who work for me.”

  My hand twitched beneath his. Damian’s fingers tightened slightly. “I’m sorry for making it sound like I thought that. I don’t, you know.”

  My chest expanded with a deep intake of breath. I’d been surprised and more than excited when Damian asked me out—despite the outrageousness of his comments just a few minutes before. Now it was pretty apparent it had all been a mistake.

  We obviously weren’t a good match.

  I felt a hot rush of disappointment burn the back of my eyes. Somehow I managed to blink them away and paste on an easygoing smile.

  “Listen, Damian, I’ve obviously stuck my foot in my mouth with you. More than once. Let’s call this what it is and no hard feelings, okay?”

  Without waiting for his answer I made to get up w
hen Damian snapped, “Sit down!” Shocked, I reflexively dropped back into my seat.

  “I can already see running away is going to be a problem with you, Risa.”

  “I’m not running away!”

  “Then what would you call it?”

  I pursed my lips. “Strategically leaving before I make an even bigger fool of myself.”

  “You care so much about what I think, do you?” Coming out of any other man’s mouth, it would’ve sounded smug. Damian’s matter-of-fact tone precluded such an emotion.

  “I’d care about anyone’s thoughts if I had inadvertently offended them.”

  Damian nodded and another stealthy smile tweaked the corner of his lips. “I appreciate that.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Now I hope you appreciate what I’m going to say next. I’m not going to play the same games you’re used to, Risa. I’m not going to run after you, apologize, smooth your ruffled feathers, and maintain conversations that say absolutely nothing of substance. If that’s what you want you can leave now.”

  I blinked rapidly once more. The humiliation of showing myself badly in front of Damian made me sick. I tamped down the wholly foreign urge to cry. “Why are you so mean to me?”

  He regarded me from an unblinking stare. “I’m not. I just prefer the truth. That’s all.”

  “So in your eyes truth equals cruelty.”

  “Sometimes.”

  “I don’t agree with that. At all.”

  “Lying is its own form of cruelty, Risa. It always causes unnecessary misunderstanding and pain.” My mutinous expression seemed to have inspired a brief smile. “Why did you come here with me?”

  I frowned, wishing to stomp away but unable to give anyone that much power over me. “I don’t know.”

  “Yes, you do. Don’t hide behind that unintelligent answer. Also, don’t frown.”

  Now there was absolutely no doubt about it. Damian Black was a jerk. A vicious, rude, giant of a jerk who was bossy to boot. Baited by his arrogant response, I frowned fiercely and challenged him with, “You don’t like me. I want to know why.”

  “And?”

  “And what? There’s nothing else.”

  Damian shook his head in impatience. “You Account Executives lie so much to get what you want I don’t even think it’s possible for you to know what honesty is.”

  Now that damned well does it!

  Anger lit a fuse inside, blowing up my charming mouth-brain connection. “That’s not true! I run my business honest, Damian, and you had better watch what you say when it comes to me. I don’t use dirty tactics and I damned sure don’t lie to get what I want.”

  He measured me for several prickly moments before conceding. “You’re right. I apologize for stereotyping you much like you had done to me.”

  What a vicious, rude, giant, and vindictive jerk! I can’t believe he threw that back in my face!

  I narrowed my eyes, wondering what would happen if I tossed my drink in his handsome face. Damian mirrored me, as if he’d heard my thoughts. He waited, watchful to what I was going to do. Finally, I shook my head and laughed. Wasn’t it what I’d always wanted? A man who didn’t have any issue going toe-to-toe with me?

  Point goes to Damian.

  “I still say you’ve got a mean streak in you, Damian, but I see your point. It wasn’t my intention to offend you, but I did. I’m sorry.”

  “Apology not accepted.”

  “What?”

  “There was nothing for you to apologize for, Risa. I wasn’t offended by what you said. I merely saw the need to clarify my position.”

  Oh my God. We went through all that for nothing?

  “You don’t give in gracefully, do you, Mr. Black?”

  Damian answered my rueful laugh with one of his own. “No, I don’t. Not as gracefully as you do.” He leaned over the table and asked again, “Why did you come here with me? Especially after what I said this morning.”

  Feeling very secure and a bit brazen, I responded by leaning across the table and whispering in his ear, “You like honesty, right?”

  “Always.”

  “Well, then. I’m very attracted to you. I wanted to know if you to feel the same way.”

  “I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked you to come here tonight.”

  11

  “Beg me!”

  “I’m sorry! I’m soooo sorry, Damian!” He squeezed my neck a little bit harder, not enough to scare me but plenty enough to make my toes curl with pleasure.

  “You don’t sound sorry enough to me, Risa.”

  “Oh God, Damian! Please!” My legs scrabbled up higher around his back. His cock continued to plunge in and out of me at a deliciously punishing pace.

  “Please what, you naughty bitch?” He released my neck in favor of digging his fingers into my jaw. “Open…wider…wider. Hmm, that’s right.” Damian stuck his tongue into my mouth. Aggressive, dominating to the point of suffocation, he ravished my mouth as I whimpered against his hard lips.

  Yes, yes, yes!

  These sadistic moments were ones I craved with an unhealthy fixation. I loved being the center of his world and for Damian to not behave the gentleman with me. The harder he came at me, the more aroused I got.

  “You’re so wet, Risa. So fucking wet for me!”

  I arched my back while grabbing a fistful of his dark hair. “Don’t stop, Damian. Don’t ever stop.”

  He slapped my hand away and snarled, “Say it like you mean it!”

  His viciousness thrilled the core of who I really was. I was unapologetically masochistic in my need to have this particular man love me, to see me worthy of keeping for more than a playmate.

  To need me like I had grown to need him—despite his many, many flaws.

  Damian was cold and distant with an emotional core of black ice. And yet, there were so many times when I felt the fire burning bright beneath, when I basked in his warmth, approval, and yes, his sweetness. I lived for those moments when the ice melted long enough to let me feel the man encased beneath the layers of inflexible control.

  Perhaps I was going down a bitter road of regret by seeing only what I wanted to see, but if so, I was walking ever-faster to chase behind this beautiful man.

  Dangerously smitten, I moaned, “I love having you in me. Please, Damian, don’t ever stop…don’t stop fucking me…please…”

  He growled deep in his throat. “I’ll hold you to that, Risa, see if I don’t.”

  It should’ve been a warning but it was the sweetest promise to my ears. Reaching for him, I kissed his throat, chin, and mouth greedily. He accepted my caresses for only so long before he reasserted dominance.

  Damian pulled out to stand by the bed. He grabbed me by the ankles and yanked me towards him. What followed next was a violently beautiful tangle of limbs as we struggled against each other for the promise of momentary bliss.

  And what bliss it was until everything became undone.

  His fingers massaged me gently, causing me to snap my hips. I caught his molten gaze from beneath fanned lashes, the ribbon long gone after Damian ripped it off when he pushed my legs open. Something desperate and dreadful coiled within his stare. Something that looked very much like loathing.

  I went cold. I couldn’t reconcile the ugliness I’d seen with the rightness of Damian’s touch.

  Is it me you hate? Is that why you won’t let yourself love me beyond my body?

  I’d always known I represented many things he disliked but never allowed myself to think it was hatred. Now the thought wouldn’t let go.

  “Come.”

  It was a command I’d heard countless times, but this time I couldn’t obey.

  “I said come.”

  “I can’t!” I wailed. When his expression hardened, I recoiled for the first time with Damian. Shock rolled across his face before a thunderous frown took its place.

  “Yes, you can. You just won’t.” Damian grabbed me about the waist and lifted. The hard sucti
on of his mouth violated my inability to submit to him. I gripped the crisp sheets above my head and fell apart as he continued to taste me.

  Cries of completion tumbled free. Damian flipped me over, kneed my trembling thighs wider, and sank deep inside. His hips hammered away, the brutal force turning my already tender bottom even more so, but his mouth feathered my shoulder in fervent adoration.

  But it was too late.

  Everything changed with one look in his silver and gold eyes.

  12

  Three Weeks Earlier

  It was the third time Damian had taken me out to dinner.

  It was the second time I’d had been to Damian’s apartment.

  It was the first time I had seen someone waiting for him.

  I’d stopped in mid-chatter when I caught sight of the exquisite redhead slouched against his apartment door. Curiosity morphed into dread when Damian politely asked me to wait for him. I felt helpless to chirp anything but “Sure!”

  He strode down the concrete walkway without looking back.

  Although it was impossible not to hear them, I made a poor attempt to find the building siding fascinating.

  “I’m sorry, but I had to come here!”

  I wonder how long it takes to put up one of these complexes.

  “I don’t understand why, Damian! What did I do wrong?”

  I bet the order on this alone is enough to make a rep’s numbers for the year.

  “Then why won’t you return my calls?”

  It’s probably damn near impossible to break into this market though.

  “I thought everything was fine between us. It was, wasn’t it?”

  Hmm. The turnaround time on this much siding has to be short. Otherwise the contractor will just go to someone else.

  “I won’t keep my voice down, Damian! You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore if you won’t keep me!”

  I wonder…I wonder what the profit margins are—

  My thoughts disconnected when I heard Damian melancholy reply.