Mad for You Read online

  “It’s not the same,” I argued lamely. The ground was sinking under my feet.

  “My ancestors felt the same exact way, Emma. They wanted better than what they were born to—just like you. Give it a generation or two and your grandchildren will be just like me. Rich, privileged, and entitled. How ever will you look down your nose at me then?”

  I’d never been on the receiving end of Gabriel’s acerbic tongue. I hated it. Miserable, I wanted us to stop the fighting but knew there was no stopping this. It would run its course and whatever survived, survived. What didn’t, didn’t.

  “You’re right. I’m trying to work for a better life. You know why? Because being poor sucks, Gabriel.”

  “I know it does.”

  “No, you don’t. You don’t have the first idea of what it’s like to be down to your last dollar, worried about how you’re going to stretch that until payday. Everything you’ve ever wanted has been there for the taking.”

  “Except you.”

  I swallowed hard. “Is that why you fixated on me all those years ago, Gabriel? Was it the thrill, the challenge?”

  He shook his head. “I adored you, Emma, because you were strong and kind and so much better than anyone I’d ever met.”

  My anger receded beneath the sincerity I heard in his voice. “Then why didn’t you see me outside of school?”

  Gabriel blinked rapidly. “I didn’t think you wanted that.”

  “Yeah? Is that why didn’t you ever invite me to your parties, Gabriel?”

  “Jesus Christ, Emma.”

  The disappointment on his face goaded me to push. “Go on, answer the question.”

  “Because you didn’t belong there.”

  Gabriel’s reply cut deeper than I would’ve liked. “That’s right. I didn’t.”

  “Not the way you think. You didn’t belong there because you were better than that.”

  “Than what?”

  “Than us, Emma! You were better than us! You weren’t the type of girl who’d give head as easily as she gave her number. Or the kind who’d go down on her best friend just so that she’d impress some stupid assholes whose family bank accounts were bigger than hers all in the pursuit of ‘making connections’. You weren’t the type of girl that usually…”

  “Usually? Go on.”

  Gabriel sat down on the corner of his desk. “You weren’t the kind of girl stupid assholes usually use.”

  “Stupid assholes, huh? Including you?”

  Gabriel held my gaze, unflinching as he answered, “Including me.”

  My breathing quickened. Every damned skeleton was coming out of the closet. “There was a party at your house the night before prom.”

  He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Emma…”

  “Did you fuck that type of girl the night before you fucked me?”

  “I did not fuck you, Emma. We made love. That was real and nothing you insinuate will ever change it.”

  Scenting blood, I ignored his passionate avowals. I walked right up to him and whispered, “Did you, Gabriel? While you were chasing after me, did you fuck them?”

  His gaze met mine. I saw a lifetime full of regret emerge as he answered, “Yes.”

  It might have been irrational to be so enraged that I slapped his face. Maybe I was wrong to let out a deep, wounded cry while I beat against his chest. Especially over something that happened seven years before.

  I was right to walk away. Damn you, Gabriel, I was right!

  “This is why I don’t trust you! You’re still a rich, spoiled brat that thinks the whole fucking world is for sale! You think that the rules I live by don’t apply to you! There are no consequences in your bubble-life, Gabriel! You can do what you want, shit on everyone, and wake up with a squeaky-clean conscience! Well, you know what? Fuck you and your bullshit world, Gabriel!”

  Gabriel wrapped his arms around me. “Ssh, Emma. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. You’re right. I am a piece of shit. I’m fucked up, baby. It’s true.”

  I fought him, wanting nothing more than to run away and to also curl up inside him. Gabriel whispered his apologies, letting them pour down on me like rain.

  “Why did you pick me? Why me?” I howled.

  “Because it had to be you.”

  “That’s not good enough, Gabriel! You know I don’t belong in your world!” I screamed, red-faced and agonized. “You drunk, goddamned asshole!”

  “Yes, you’re right! I am an asshole but you’re wrong, Emma. You do belong with me. Always.”

  I stopped struggling. “No.”

  “Yes.”

  He easily lifted me up and brought me into the living room. Gabriel sank down onto the rug and kept me locked with his arms. He stroked my hair, murmuring how much he cared about me, how sorry he was in making me cry.

  “Let me go!”

  “No. I won’t do that. You can’t make me. Not again.”

  “You don’t want me, Gabriel. You won’t touch me, you wanted to throw me out of here…you’re just playing with me…and I won’t let you…” I gasped, shuddering as the sobs clawed their way up my raw throat.

  “I’m not playing with you, baby. I swear I’m not. I’m just trying to be a better man for you and I’m making a damned mess of it. That’s why I didn’t want you here…not until I fix this.”

  My rage explosion ended as quickly as it began. I collapsed against him, weakened and just wishing Gabriel could make it all better. “Fix what? Tell me, Gabriel. Help me understand you. Please.”

  “I just need to get through this and then I can tell you.”

  “Get through what?”

  Gabriel shook his head. “I can’t tell you yet. Not until it’s all done.”

  “You’re killing me, Gabriel. I’m so afraid…”

  “Me too. I’m sick with it.”

  I looked up, meeting his tortured gaze with mine. “Why are you scared?”

  “I’m afraid you’ll leave me again. I’m afraid you won’t ever be able to love me.”

  Huddled against his chest, I wanted to confess. I wanted to tell him that it was too late. I already loved him. I never stopped. I loved him to the point of madness.

  What else could it be that had me in arms when all my instincts demanded I leave and never look back?

  “Gabriel, I’m sorry for what I said.”

  He tightened his arms around me. “Don’t apologize, baby. I wanted to know the truth and you gave it to me. There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.”

  “I do see you as more than your money.”

  “I know you do. I’ve been around enough women who wanted my bank account more than me to know the difference.”

  I pressed my face against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat lulled me. “Have you taken a look at yourself? You’re gorgeous, Gabriel. The most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Women want more than your money. I know it.”

  “Maybe, but you’re the only who would prefer to take me penniless.”

  A wan smile appeared for a brief moment. “I don’t know. I do like how you’re able to make things happen at the last minute. It’s pretty nifty.”

  Gabriel cupped my face. He tilted it back. “Tell me you forgive me for being such a jerk.”

  “Usually people ask for forgiveness. They don’t demand it,” I teased weakly.

  Gabriel didn’t respond. Instead, he waited for me.

  I took in a ragged breath. “I forgive you. Do you forgive me?”

  His expressive eyes widened in shock. “For what?”

  “You’re right. I do throw your money in your face. I always have. I’m sorry.”

  “Baby, there’s nothing to forgive. I mean that.”

  “You’re right. I have to accept all of you—even the things that make me uncomfortable.”

  “Why does wealth make you uncomfortable?”

  I sighed. “It’s not wealth necessary. It’s the people that have it. They’re not very nice, Gabriel. Rich people usually treat anyone who’s no
t rich like shit. And I hate that. I hate that they can do it and get away with it.” I coughed and whispered, “I’m so fucked up, aren’t I? I’m still that girl who hated being made fun of. How pitiful is that?”

  “It’s not. Have I done that to you? Made fun of you or made you feel less than—”

  “No. Never.”

  “Then you have to know I’d never do it. So you don’t have to be afraid of my money. Especially when all it wants to do is make you happy. I want to give you the world, Emma. Everything I have is yours.” When I didn’t say anything, he whispered, “Talk to me, baby. Even if it’s just to tell me to go to hell.”

  “It’s hard because I don’t know what to do.”

  “All you have to do is let me be with you. That’s all.”

  “Is that all? That’s easy.”

  Gabriel finally smiled. He bumped my forehead with his. “Can I tell you something?”

  “What?”

  “I’m not drunk anymore.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  I ran my palm along his hard bicep. “That’s good then. I don’t like you drunk.”

  “Neither do I.”

  I finally took notice of the exquisitely muscled body pressed against mine. He’d thickened since high school, forever leaving behind the lean physique of youth and replacing it with a beautifully sculpted frame.

  I wanted to lean closer and lick a trail from his neck to the hard ridge of his hipbones. I wanted to pull down his pants and lick the delicious shaft pressing insistently against my thigh.

  Lust quickened my blood. I craved to feel Gabriel in me, working me however he wanted until I couldn’t come anymore. I knew what he’d been capable of as a boy. I now wanted to find out how often the man could make me scream his name.

  Gabriel seemed to scent my need. His eyes darkened. He stared at my mouth. His fingertips circled along my pulse before dipping down between my breasts.

  I moaned softly.

  “Do you know how hard it’s been for me to keep my hands to myself?”

  “As hard as it’s been for me to suffer you keeping them to yourself? It’s been hell, Gabriel.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. I’m just trying to do things right this time around.”

  “I wish you weren’t such a gentleman. I remember what it was like, you see? I remember everything. How you felt on top of me…inside me…how you kissed…the sounds you made when you came…all of it. It’s all I can think of sometimes.”

  He groaned loudly. “Fuck, Emma! Your mouth does me in every single time.”

  I trembled with need. My core tightened and my skin itched with the burning desire to feel him along every inch. “I remember yours did me in too.”

  Gabriel flung his head back. “Oh God, yes I remember! Yours is the sweetest, prettiest pussy I’ve ever tasted.” He pinned me with an electric blue stare. “I’d give anything to have another taste.”

  I arched into him, hands already kneading his shoulders. “You don’t have to wait. Honest.”

  Gabriel seductive chuckle raised goose bumps all along my skin. “I want you so badly, Emma. It’s all I think about when I’m with you.”

  I somehow managed to gasp his name, excited beyond anything to know this magnificent man wanted me as much as I wanted him.

  “I want to be deep inside you. Today. Tomorrow. Always.”

  I reached for him, sinking my fingers deep into his golden mane of hair. “Please kiss me.”

  Gabriel licked his lips, eyes gone sharp with hunger. “Baby, I kiss you then I won’t stop.”

  “Is that bad?”

  He closed his eyes. “Tonight it is.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to make love to you here.”

  It felt like he dumped cold water on me. I already knew the answer but asked the question anyways. “Here being where you’ve made love to other women?”

  Gabriel gave me a short, angry nod. “I’m sorry, Emma. You shouldn’t have to deal with my past like this.”

  “No, it’s okay. Your restraint too. It’s sweet in an odd, frustrating way.” I looked away, my body rioting that it wasn’t going to be able to have Gabriel like it wanted. “I have a long day tomorrow and I need my sleep. I better go.”

  Gabriel’s arms loosened. I rose to my feet and so did he. We stared at each other for many long moments, eyes trying their best to communicate while we lacked the ability to speak.

  Regret and frustration blanketed his gaze. I didn’t have to guess if it blanketed mine.

  “I should go, Gabriel.”

  “Emma, I don’t want you to leave. Please stay. I just want to be able to hold you tonight. Can I? Please?”

  Gabriel stood there, heart in hand. I didn’t have it in me to deny him anything.

  “Just sleep?”

  “I’m such an idiot,” he mumbled under his breath. I couldn’t help but be glad to know I wasn’t the only one who ached from denial. Gabriel squared his shoulders. “Just sleep. For tonight.”

  The unspoken clearly being that this would be last night we would share the same bed and not doing anything exciting in it.

  “Okay.”

  Gabriel pulled me to him. “What would I do if I lost you?”

  “You won’t.”

  He only held me tighter.

  CHAPTER NINE

  The text came right after I’d gotten off the phone with Gabriel.

  I didn’t have to glance in the mirror to know I still looked haggard. Although we’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, Gabriel woke up more distant than ever.

  He blamed it on his hangover, but I knew it was more. Something had risen in the night, something bigger than his affection for me and mine for him. It hunkered between us. Unmovable and impossible to ignore.

  “Are we still on for lunch today?”

  He sighed on the other end. “I would love nothing more, Emma. I’m afraid I can’t though. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to get through.”

  As much as I didn’t want to, I felt the lash of rejection sting me. “Oh, it’s okay. I’m sorry to bother you.”

  “Emma, wait!”

  “Yes?”

  Silence stretched. “I’m sorry for this. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

  “You don’t have to apologize, Gabriel. There’s nothing to make up. Things happen. We’ll have lunch another day, okay?”

  “I will make it up to you.”

  His insistence made me wonder if he was just talking about missing lunch. The last twelve hours had devolved into something I hoped never to visit again. I ached to whisper, “Don’t drift away from me, Gabriel. Please be patient. I don’t want to lose you over my insecurities. I don’t look at you the same way I look at them. Please, please believe me.”

  Instead, I murmured, “Well, I better let you go. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Emma, I’ll be thinking about you today.”

  “Me too.”

  “Do you still have my flowers?”

  I turned my attention to the bouquet perched next to a framed picture of my mom and me at my college graduation ceremony. The white lilies were just beginning to bloom. Already the fragrant scent filled my nose every time I took an appreciative sniff. “Yes.”

  “Good. Think of me every time you see them and know I’m thinking of you.”

  “I will.”

  “Until tonight, Emma.”

  “Goodbye, Gabriel.”

  “Goodbye, baby.”

  My phone chimed. I picked it up, curious to see who’d sent me a text.

  Gabriel is meeting me for lunch today. Come see. – Embry

  I immediately grew cold. My heartbeat seemed to slow. I couldn’t believe the words on my phone. Gabriel wouldn’t do that to me. He wouldn’t go behind my back to meet up with an ex. Gabriel may have been many things, and he was, but he wasn’t a liar.

  How did you get this number?

  Embry texted back quickly.

  Does i
t matter? You’re about to get a package & a letter. Follow the instructions if you want to see if I’m telling the truth. Text me back after you decide what to do.

  A short minute later I got a call on my office phone.

  “Emma Adams.”

  “Hi, Emma. You got a package here. Want me to run it by?”

  “No, I’ll get it right now. I need to stretch my legs anyways.” I carried my phone tight in my hand. It was only a short trip to reception. I smiled at David, managing to ask him about his weekend while being sketchy on the details of mine. The small talk put me on edge, but I had to keep cool.

  “I better get going. See you!”

  “You know where to find me.”

  I made a detour to the bathroom. The little brown box looked unthreatening with its gorgeous ivory ribbon and elegant envelope tucked securely in its satin folds. I was terrified to open it.

  A pair of black jogging pants, t-shirt, jacket, running shoes, and a cap lay nestled within pale green tissue paper. An envelope rested on top. I opened it up, dreading the words I was about to read.

  Emma, put these on. I don’t want to attract attention to my lunch with Gabriel and I’m sure you don’t either. There are too many eyes out there that would love to take a picture of his girlfriend—you—and splash it all over the papers and web. Having the three of us in that shot would ruin his reputation. I trust you don’t want to have a hand in embarrassing him. Discretion is the word.

  I have a car waiting for you downstairs. The driver is wearing a red rose on his lapel. Get in and he’ll take you to the restaurant. I’ve already alerted the staff that you’re coming. You’ll have no problem getting into the private dining room.

  If you don’t want to come, then there’s nothing I can say to convince you. However, I do think that would be a mistake. I’ll be waiting for your text.

  I stuffed everything back into the box and strode back to my cube. I stared blindly at the lilies, desperately trying to decide what to do. The obvious answer was to go. The not-so-obvious answer was why?

  What if their lunch was a final parting of things from his penthouse? I didn’t have to read so hard between the lines to know that Embry had obviously spent time in his place. Lunch didn’t mean cheating.