Adrian Read online

  “Opposites can only attract for so long before their differences tear everything apart. We’re too different and ultimately wanted different things in life.”

  Things were tumbling out of control. “Adrian, I never wanted you to propose to me.”

  He held his hand up. “Let’s not rehash the past, Victoria. It’s not worth it to either of us.”

  She took a step back and hugged her waist. Cold despair settled over her. Blindly she stared at the street at the river of traffic. “I guess not.”

  “Good.” Adrian rolled his shoulders back. He looked regal, cold even. “I guess this is it then. Do you need the use of my driver? He can take you wherever you’d like to go.”

  “That’s not necessary.”

  “It would be my pleasure. You don’t have to stomach my presence, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “That’s not why I’m saying no.” She shook her head. “I don’t hate you, Adrian.”

  He arched a brow. “Really? You could’ve fooled me. Sorry, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Adrian tossed her a charming grin. It still had the same effect on her, easing the crushing despair enough to let her smile back shyly.

  Adrian opened his mouth and then closed it abruptly. His attention fixed back on a point over her shoulder. The loss of his stare made Victoria want to reach out and touch him so badly. She ached to trace the perfect bridge of his nose before following the kissable lines of his lips.

  More than that, she wanted to know why he looked so much slimmer than when she last saw him. Victoria’s nurturing side bubbled up. She wanted to make him dinner and make sure he finished at least one plate.

  Maybe it really isn’t too late. Maybe I can still fix this.

  Hope danced nervously in her tummy. Victoria’s breath came out in a shaky sigh. “I’m sorry I interrupted you back there. I didn’t mean to.”

  “Water under the bridge. You saved me actually. I just wanted a quiet dinner out tonight. Alone.”

  The last word undid her courage. It was presumptuous of her to think he’d even welcome her concern after all the time, much less her cooking.

  “You’re welcome. I guess.”

  An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Even though Adrian was only a couple of feet away, it now felt more like miles. Victoria’s starved gaze feasted on him in minute detail, but he was so far beyond her reach that he might as well have been on another continent.

  “Umm, I’m really sorry for what Jenny said to you. She did that on her own. I mean, her intentions were in the right place, but I wish she hadn’t said those things to you. I wouldn’t have put a restraining order on you. I just needed time to process what had happened.”

  Victoria winced after saying it out loud.

  Adrian shoved his hands in his coat pockets. A wall came down leaving his face blank. “No need to apologize. Like I said—I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I am now.”

  “I know you are. I didn’t mean to imply that you’re not—”

  “All right then, Victoria. I better leave you to your reminiscing.”

  “Ah, okay.”

  Adrian took one step towards her and stuck his hand out. Victoria slowly placed hers in his. The contact was enough to send her body into overdrive.

  This man had given her supreme happiness in a time when she didn’t think she needed anything more than to survive and overcome hardship.

  This man had taught her pleasure beyond compare. He had caressed and worshipped every part of her, treasuring her body in a way she never imagined.

  This man had opened his life to her.

  This man had loved her. And now this very same man was about to walk out of her life. Permanently.

  “Take care of yourself, Victoria.”

  She didn’t know what to say, but she didn’t want him to leave. Two words beat relentlessly in her skull.

  Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.

  She could make him stay. Forever even. He had loved her once. He could do it again. The next time he asked her to marry him, if he asked her, she would say yes. It wouldn’t matter if it was a camera-worthy proposal or one worse than the one he’d given her already, she’d say “Yes.”

  It’s not too late.

  “It was really good while it lasted though, wasn’t it, Victoria?”

  She looked up at his beloved face. Talking about everything under the sun was what brought them together. So why couldn’t she tell him? How could it go so wrong again?

  Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.

  Adrian’s gaze searched hers. When she didn’t say anything in return he let go of her hand. “It’s probably your bad luck you caught me when you did. If you’d waited just one more day you wouldn’t have had to see me at all.”

  That finally freed her from her imprisoned silence. “What do you mean?”

  Adrian shrugged, looking bored all of a sudden. “I’m leaving for a month on business.”

  “Oh.”

  No!

  “Good luck in North Carolina. You’ve got a job lined up?”

  “Yes.”

  Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.

  “I’d tell you not to work too hard, but you probably won’t listen.”

  “No, I can’t afford to take it easy. Not when I’ll need time off…” Victoria’s voice died. It was as good a time to tell him the truth. She couldn’t have planned a perfect entrance point in fact. All she had to say was two words.

  Tell. Him. Now.

  She peeked up at him. Adrian didn’t pick up on the end of her sentence. Instead, he was looking at his watch. A flush raced across her face.

  He’s already forgotten about me. Being here and talking to me is a chore, only he’s too polite to tell me.

  “I better get going, Adrian. I still have a few more stops to make before heading home.”

  “Right then.” He leaned down and brushed a kiss across her warm cheek. “Goodbye, Victoria.”

  “Goodbye, Adrian.” She watched as he turned around and walked back towards his building. Each step drove a deeper crack in her heart. Panic set in. “Adrian!”

  He stopped. Victoria feared he was just going to keep going when he didn’t turn around immediately. A few seconds passed before he faced her.

  Victoria eased the distance between them. The time for thinking was over because the answer to her next question would determine the rest of their lives.

  “Did you mean what you said back there? About being single and all?”

  Adrian’s gaze blanked. “Yes. I meant it.”

  She hunched her shoulders, trying desperately to get herself under control. The pavement beneath her feet could only hold her attention for so long before Victoria braved looking back at him.

  “Are you happy?” Adrian frowned at her as if he didn’t understand the question. She tried again. “Is your life as you want it?”

  He nodded once. “It’s as it needs to be.”

  She deflated. Victoria had her answer and the lifetime burden of making the only decision she believed she could.

  “I see.”

  When she didn’t say anything else Adrian gave her a crooked smile. “Goodbye, Victoria.” He then turned around and walked away.

  Victoria stood there until she couldn’t see him anymore.

  “I’m having your baby, Adrian.”

  The whisper came too late and there was no one to hear it or her.

  ***

  Every step just about killed Adrian. Hollowed out, he wondered how he’d ever be able to sleep tonight when all he could think about was Victoria.

  What did you think she was going to say? “I want you back, Adrian. I still love you. Forgive me for abandoning you when you needed me the most.”

  The pathetic truth was that he did believe and hope it was true.

  Instead, he was walking away from her first before she could do it to him again.

  Adrian knew himself to be colossally stupid. How could he even imagine that Victoria had come ba
ck to him? Why had he even considered cancelling his trip and forcing his calendar to open just so he could spend the next day with her?

  Like she’d even agree to spend an hour with me much less a day.

  Helpless to resist himself, Adrian had just been on the verge of asking her to dinner when she’d dismissed him in favor of making her other stops.

  As a man who wasn’t used to hearing “no” Adrian didn’t think he could’ve handled hearing it from her lips. Not because he would’ve convinced her to dine with him anyway, but because he wouldn’t.

  As a man who never gave up, he had given up on the need to force, coerce, or seduce her to his will.

  Adrian needed Victoria to want him as much as he wanted her. Without coercion. Without guilt. Because he loved her.

  She’d just proved to him that she didn’t need him at all.

  While he’d been wasting away mourning her absence, Victoria obviously had gotten along just fine. She looked more beautiful than he remembered and Adrian had spent hours obsessively going over his memory of her to the minutest detail.

  Tonight she’d taken his breath away. Her skin bloomed like a silken rose and her dark eyes sparkled like the desert sky.

  Adrian frowned. Poetry obviously wasn’t his strong suit, but what was obvious was Victoria hadn’t missed him like he’d missed her. And that hurt more than words.

  He blinked, finding the world around him strangely gone to water.

  What am I doing?

  His gaze cleared. His jaw hardened as he made a decision. Adrian had been prepared to spend the rest of his life with Victoria. He would’ve planned his future around her, done anything to make her happy—even at the cost of himself—and she’d tossed it back in his face without even a chance to make things better.

  Tonight he learned the hard way that Victoria Montford was unforgiving and far more ruthless than himself.

  Victoria could turn her back on him despite all the love they shared. She could walk away as if their time together meant nothing. As if he hadn’t given her everything he had to give.

  She could leave him and be perfectly okay.

  No. I’m not going to do this anymore. It’s time to cut ties.

  Adrian could and would never say she didn’t mean the world to him, but never again would he allow anyone to get so close to him. Not even her.

  Never again.

  FOURTEEN

  Her momentous decision made, Victoria thought about catching a flight back home right after Adrian left her standing on the sidewalk. There were no stops for her to make. She could go back to the old apartment and see whoever happened to be there because she wasn’t at work, but Victoria wouldn’t do that to her former roommates.

  She’d already burdened them with the melodrama passing as her life. How fair would it be to pop in their lives after a month and do the same thing? Maybe even worse?

  All it would take was talking and Victoria knew her eyes would burst their gaskets. And what if during her crying jag one of them, most likely Jenny, took it upon herself to confront Adrian with the truth of why Victoria had come back?

  No.

  Now that she had made her decision to keep Adrian in the dark, she had to get used to dealing with things on her own.

  Victoria gathered her scattered thoughts in a mental net. She raised her arm up and hailed a cab. Once she arrived at her hotel, Victoria made her way up to the economy room and went through the motions of taking care of herself.

  Shower, nightclothes, water, vitamins.

  Still, even as she settled down for sleep with the TV low in the background and all the lights off, Victoria stared at the window, eyes wide and unblinking. Seeing Adrian tonight branded her with an unbreakable truth.

  She still loved him and always would. Even though the future held no guarantees and everything solid seemed thrown up in the air, Victoria couldn’t deny her feelings for Adrian Hawthorne.

  Her hand settled across her still-flat stomach.

  I’m so sorry, little baby, that I couldn’t make this right. But I promise I will make it up to you. I’ll do everything in my power and above to give you the best life ever. It will just be you and me. I promise. You won’t ever have to deal with wondering if I love someone more than I love you. I won’t let anyone come between us because there won’t be anyone else.

  Victoria went to sleep that night with damp eyes but an iron-resolve.

  Less than a day later, Victoria crossed the threshold of her childhood home while dragging her carryon behind her. The plane trip was a hellish trial of endurance.

  Victoria and Kathy had cried together over the phone when she had briefly called her with the news before checking-out of the hotel. Surprisingly, Kathy hadn’t argued against keeping her pregnancy a secret or even pressed for details of what happened to make her change her mind.

  That support meant more to her than she could ever put into words. It strengthened her and proved that she wouldn’t have to go through this alone.

  Even so, Victoria’s eyes were puffy and her head pounded when she boarded the plane two hours later. Unfortunately, she couldn’t sleep at all and spent her time hiding out behind a sleep mask. Victoria was glad to have left RDU behind her and had no intention of boarding a plane for the rest of the year if she could help it.

  As she climbed up the stairs, Victoria was set on falling into bed and sleeping for days curled up with Cedric the cat. The rest of her life could wait until she woke up.

  “Victoria, welcome back. I know this is a bad time but I have to talk to you.”

  She didn’t see her stepmother at all when she walked through the door. Kathy must’ve been waiting in the living room for her to come home.

  Victoria held back a sigh. She sketched a brief smile. “I’m really tired and just want to go to sleep. Can this wait?”

  “I wish it could. I wouldn’t bother you at this time if it wasn’t.”

  Kathy’s serious expression was enough to pierce through Victoria’s devastation and emotional fatigue. She came down two steps until she was in the foyer.

  “That serious?”

  “I’m afraid so.” She glanced at her watch. “I’m not due to pick up the girls for another hour so now’s the best time.”

  “All right then.” Victoria walked into the formal living room. She tried not think about Adrian or what the future held for her and her child. Seeing her father and stepmother’s formal wedding picture on the wall didn’t help, but Victoria focused her attention on getting to the couch.

  In other circumstances, she’d probably be dreading whatever serious news Kathy had to share. As it was, Victoria sat on the couch, crossed her legs, and waited. Her stepmother sat down next to her and jumped right in.

  “Why did you and Adrian split again?”

  Victoria’s back stiffened. “We didn’t see eye-to-eye on our future plans.”

  Kathy immediately picked up on her distance. “I’m not trying to pry, Victoria. Really I’m not.” She let out a small sigh. “Was it about marriage?”

  Victoria’s leg bounced once. Was it that obvious that Adrian thought marriage to her would be such a sacrifice? Was it stamped on her forehead or something?

  “How did you guess?”

  Kathy deflated. She closed her eyes. “I was afraid of that.”

  Victoria leaned closer with concern. “What is it?”

  Her stepmother reached out and linked her fingers with Victoria’s. Kathy looked up to the ceiling and bit her lip. After several tense seconds, she slumped her shoulders and cleared her throat.

  “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but I think my mother is to blame for your troubles.”

  “Grandma McKinnon? How?”

  Kathy’s blue eyes misted. “She talked to Adrian at your graduation. Apparently, she asked him about his intentions towards you and well, she left him with the impression that he needed to marry you or let you go.”

  Victoria’s face drained of color. Her hand twitched against
Kathy’s. “No. That didn’t happen. That couldn’t have happened.”

  “I’m so sorry, Victoria. Mother had no right to say anything to Adrian.” Kathy’s speech tumbled quickly. “I want to fix this for you both. I can call him, explain that it was just my mother being her irritating self and overstepping her bounds as always. She’s not being malicious about it. She really thinks she’s helping. Lord knows the trouble she caused for me and your father a time or ten…”

  Victoria couldn’t hear anything else. She just replayed her last night at Adrian’s over and over again. Now it all made horrifying sense. Victoria wanted to scream and punch a hole through the wall. Why didn’t she just ask him outright why he thought she wanted to get married?

  Because I was in shock. I couldn’t think straight. I was also hurt beyond belief and feeling like my whole world was collapsing around me. I was insulted and prideful. Damn it all to hell!

  “…Victoria, I’ll go see him if I have to. It’s not right that Mother’s meddling destroyed your relationship. I can help fix this.”

  She snapped back to the present moment. She stared at Kathy for a bit, trying her best to process what this meant in the scheme of her life, when the stark answer came to her.

  “No.”

  Her face crumpled. “Victoria, please.”

  “No, Kathy. There’s nothing you can say to fix this. It can’t be undone. Adrian’s moved on and soon I will be too.” Victoria watched in a daze as the other woman leaned forward and snatched a tissue off the coffee table.

  “I was afraid you’d say that. I just hate this!”

  Victoria clenched her fists. She hated it too but not for the reason her stepmother thought. She breathed in and out until the pressure on her throat eased.

  It just wasn’t meant to be.

  “It’s not your fault, Kathy.”

  “I know but as much as I want to wring my mother’s neck—I can’t. Believe it or not, she really thought she was helping. She’s heartbroken that you’re in this way. All she wants to do is drive up north and shoot Adrian.”

  A wan smile flitted across Victoria’s lips. “I’d hate to have to explain to my child that his or her great-grandmother killed their father.”