My Love Protect Read online

  Protection I could give her. Respect for her position. Understanding for my sins. Patience in how she needed to express herself.

  Physical space away from me? No.

  But Risa didn’t fight for it. I felt her warm breath against my neck. She could’ve struggled, slapped at my chest and back, and declared she wasn’t going to allow me to have her.

  I’d like to think I’d listen. I’d like to think I’d be content to just hold her, sleep with her like I’d done the night before.

  Instead, Risa didn’t force me to confront the near-empty well of my goodness. She kept quiet while we went up the stairs and down several halls before arriving at the stout wooden door.

  Keeping my gaze on hers, I reached for the doorknob. If she were to deny me now would be the time.

  Beautiful silence.

  And then we were in her room. It carried a feminine palette, all soothing mauves and silver with splashes of primrose.

  I imagined it charmed her with its old-world opulence, but if it didn’t then we’d never step foot in here again. We could go next door and nestle beneath the covers of maroon and ebony.

  Anything to make Risa happy with me, to prove to her I was the man who, if not deserved her love, needed it more than I needed air to breathe.

  How to prove it though? How to prove it when this love was new and so very fragile?

  I was a man of many talents, but I failed continuously when it came to Risa. Even my stint in New York failed to show a different side to my beloved. I remembered being curt and rude with her, hardly the charming creature I was to everyone around me. Worse, she witnessed it firsthand.

  What did that mean?

  Was I doomed to be thoughtlessly cruel to the one and only woman I loved? Did it prove my Konstantinov blood?

  If so, I challenged it to the death.

  Risa wasn’t going to be a casualty to my heritage. Nor was I going to continue to let her think she’d been unimportant to me. Before or now.

  Since my words failed me I’d show her with my body. Lies and misunderstandings were impossible when skin-to-skin. Our hungers would soothe the emptiness we’d suffered since that fateful night in France.

  After we were temporarily sated, then we could talk about the past. She could pose her arguments and I’d counter until Risa finally understood me.

  I laid my precious love down on the bed, gently like the treasure she was. Her somber gaze watched me, but her body remained pliant. Standing in front of her, I waited for some sign Risa didn’t want this.

  But I prayed. I prayed she burned with the madness of longing.

  Always my angel, Risa widened her thighs. I took it as all the consent I’d ever need.

  She was still mine. My precious saint—I’d worship her for eternity.

  Wasting no time, I pulled off my sweater and the undershirt beneath it. I counted the seconds until my body penetrated hers. Already my shaft was heavy and aching for this woman of mine.

  As if she could feel my hunger, Risa’s breathing quickened. I still remembered the last times I made love to her. In New York and in France. Only one of those events I claimed as mine.

  Why? Because I wouldn’t have let her go in my right mind.

  Risa’s hands reached for the hem of her sweater. I stopped her.

  “No. I want to do it.”

  Her full lips quirked into a half-grin. “Still bossy as ever.”

  Putting one knee on either side of her, I leaned over Risa. “I prefer the word ‘dominant’, don’t you?”

  She licked her lips. “Dominant works for me too.”

  “I knew you’d see it my way.”

  I needed to be inside her, to feel her silken pussy squeezing my cock as she came hard. It was the only real thing in a world spinning off its axis.

  Her lush mouth quirked into a bittersweet smile. “I want you so much, Damian. I always do. You know what my favorite part of New York was?”

  I’d exorcise New York from her if it was the last thing I did. New York didn’t matter. Only now.

  “Do you, Damian?”

  My lips ached to touch hers, to keep Risa from giving voice to the ugliness of my failings. But words, the ever-important words, demanded I pay attention. If I learned nothing during these months of half-life, I learned this much.

  “Tell me.”

  “Calling you ‘Sir’.” Her eyes closed, leaving the barest glint to peek through her thick lashes. “It was a secret I kept close to my heart.”

  I remembered. My cock felt full to burst.

  “You liked being naughty, Risa,” I accused raggedly.

  “Naughty?”

  “Yes. Dangerously naughty.” I leaned over her, caging her within my arms. “You kept it secret from me.”

  She shook her head. “It wasn’t my secret to share. It was mine to keep.”

  “Wrong. All of you belongs to me.”

  “So do you.”

  “Always.” She was mine. I felt it deep within my marrow, with every breath I took.

  Then Risa dropped the bomb.

  “It would be so easy to fall down for you, Damian. Before I knew it, little by little, it became my nature. Even now I spread my legs for you because you want it.”

  This was not what I wanted from Risa. Ever. She was not a mindless puppet.

  “And you don’t want it?” I growled. “You don’t want me?”

  Her dark eyes swallowed me whole. “Of course, I do. I always want it. You. And that’s my downfall. I’ve made peace with it, Damian. Honestly.”

  My desire for Risa continuously stoked the beast hiding behind my ever-present control. What I was going to do next had it snapping and snarling.

  I pushed off her.

  “Know the next time I’m deep inside you it’s going to be because you beg me.”

  Being away from her was like a physical pain. Every inch of my skin burned because it wasn’t against hers.

  She mistook my reaction for spite. Sorrow and disappointment tinged Risa’s smile.

  “Your ego isn’t satisfied as it is? You need more? Do you need me to beg right now? Because I will. I’ll do anything for you.”

  “No.”

  “Then what? Tell me what to do to make this pain for you go away.”

  I closed my eyes. We understood each other, but now I was like her. I couldn’t let this pass. “I need to pay you back in kind.”

  “You always do.”

  “That’s right.” I allowed myself the gift of touch, anything to make the ache of separation lessen. Running the back of my fingers against her smooth thigh, I swore, “Just as you waited for me, no matter how much suffering I put you through, I’ll wait for you twice as long.”

  This time her smile lost its sheen of sadness. “Because you always pay me back plus more.”

  “That’s right.” I squeezed her knee. “So be prepared, little girl.”

  “That sounds like a threat.” She lifted her chin up, looking so adorably brave I wanted to devour her.

  I crouched back down on the bed, once again caging her with my body but taking care not to touch Risa at all because I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop if I did.

  She looked up at me, luscious lips parted in obvious anticipation.

  “Because it is, Risa.”

  31

  RISA

  Things changed after Damian left me aching and sprawled across the bed.

  He became a perfect gentleman. Charming. Solicitous. Everything I always believed I wanted him to be.

  And it was delightful…when it wasn’t making me miserable.

  But that part came later.

  The first morning after his lovely threat, Damian woke me up with breakfast in bed.

  “Risa…Risa…”

  Moaning, I curled into the gentle touch on my cheek. Damian chuckled softly.

  “Looks like I have a sleepy little girl. What do you suppose I should do about that? Hmm?”

  Not opening my eyes, I scooted towards Damian unti
l my head rested on his thigh. “Let the little girl sleep?”

  I missed him terribly the night before. I kept reaching for him, waking myself up from the emptiness that he wasn’t there. I eventually got out of bed, standing before his door with indecision.

  Damian, seemingly omnipotent as always, opened it within moments. He scooped me up and tucked me back in bed, staying by my side until I fell asleep with my hand in his. The fact I didn’t rouse again made me wonder how long he stayed.

  “I could do that but then what would happen to her bacon, scrambled eggs, and pancakes?”

  Pancakes. Ooh.

  I said as much to him. “You made pancakes? For me?”

  Damian’s hand brushed across my cheek. “For you, my love. All for you.” He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “But only if you wake up.”

  “Do I have to get up?” Yawning mid-moan, I said, “The bed feels so warm.”

  He chuckled. “I’m glad you enjoyed your sleep.”

  It was faint, but I heard the sour note nonetheless. “You didn’t sleep so well?”

  “Bad girl. You know I didn’t.”

  That answered my question. My love for him exploded.

  Turning over, I looked up at Damian from beneath the fan of my lashes. He wasn’t the only one with a touch of sadism. “Isn’t your bed comfortable?”

  “Not nearly as comfortable as yours.”

  “I see. Do you want to switch rooms?”

  Damian’s eyes seemed to glow in the dim light. The gold one reminded me of a wolf’s while the silver reminded me of its master in the night sky. I loved looking into his eyes almost as much as I loved him.

  “Switching rooms won’t help, little love, but you’re so sweet in thinking of me. Now are you ready for breakfast?”

  “Sure.” I yawned and quickly covered my mouth.

  Damian helped me up. “Very well. You don’t have to come down to the dining room. I’ll be right back with your tray.” He hugged me and kissed the top of my head before walking out.

  I stared after him with a goofy grin. I loved Damian’s pancakes. I loved him more.

  I just loved him.

  Caution urged me to take a step back. Getting giddy over Damian was hardly keeping in line with solving our problems. The waiting dangers couldn’t be defeated with flour and syrup. We weren’t on vacation. We were in a holding pattern. One I didn’t understand but needed to if I was going to be of any help.

  And if I couldn’t directly help I could at least give Damian my counsel.

  True, but the intention and message of this is huge. Damian isn’t a man of many words, but his actions tell the story. And today Damian is telling you he means what he said yesterday. He loved you even when you think he didn’t. That matters more to him than dangerous bad guys.

  So maybe the truth was we were actually safer here than I imagined?

  Damian wouldn’t be making pancakes if he thought bullets were going to come flying in at any moment, would he? Damian had a contingency plan for everything big and small. He would not be taking a chance with my safety if he thought this villa wasn’t secure.

  The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became. Logic was Damian’s God. He wouldn’t abandon it.

  I called out to him as soon as he reached the door.

  “Damian, is everything fine?” When his mouth twitched in question, I clarified, “Nothing has popped up?”

  “We’re invisible which means we’re safe, my love.” He smiled and closed the door behind him.

  We really are safe here.

  At least for today.

  Whereas I was once tired and worried, now I was practically sparkling with vitality and excitement. Rushing through my morning rituals, making sure my high ponytail was smooth, I got back in bed just as Damian walked through the door.

  I leaned forward, charmed by the wooden tray. Bacon, eggs, toast, and pancakes were arranged on Blue Willow china. Orange juice was served in a tall glass, just the way I liked it. A vase with pink roses graced the space next to heavy silver utensils and a jar full of syrup.

  Damian sat the tray over my legs, whipping out the white linen napkin with a flourish before settling it over my lap.

  “My lady’s breakfast is served.”

  Taking an appreciative whiff, I smiled. “Everything looks so delicious, Damian. Thank you.”

  He nodded and simply said, “Eat.”

  I picked up my fork and sampled everything with delight. Damian sat at the end of the bed and watched me. Although outwardly impassive, I saw the pleasure in his mercurial gaze. I didn’t understand it before, but Damian took great satisfaction in watching me eat his food.

  Now knowing what I knew about him, I understood how special it was for Damian to cook for me. This man who never had to cook a meal in his life, took the precious time to prepare meals for me.

  He could buy me anything in the world I wanted, but this mattered more. This was his time, attention, and caring all rolled up in one.

  I savored every bite and ate until I was stuffed.

  Damian then took the tray away, but only after taking the napkin and carefully brushing my mouth with it.

  He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. I was his to take care of and protect. Whether I wished it or not.

  And I most certainly wished it. At least until it was my turn to protect him.

  If I thought my pampering was over I was pleasantly surprised.

  Damian came back and plucked me off the bed and took me into the bathroom. Sitting on the tub, I couldn’t help but remember the last morning that was like this.

  Except France was about Damian proving to me what he already knew—I was his prisoner. Not just because it was what he wanted.

  But because I wanted it too.

  Romania was different on the surface but beneath it was all the same. I was still his. This time he was locking me away to protect me, not trap me.

  Damian caught me watching him. Once again he didn’t say anything. Merely let the corner of his kissable mouth curl into a smirk.

  I really could shake my head at it. If I had a tenth of his confidence would New York have turned out differently?

  If I had just stormed into his bedroom, declared him mine, and dragged him into the luxurious bath, would he have passively fallen to me?

  Yeah right. Damian doesn’t know the definition of passive.

  Bubbles frothed in the marble tub like big fluffy clouds. Damian added generous scoops of lavender-scented powder to the water. Once he was satisfied, Damian directed me to stand.

  “Arms up.”

  I obeyed him with a nostalgic smile as I watched him undress me. Familiarity swept through.

  Damian was gentle as he lifted my shirt off and then set my foot on his thigh to take off my bottoms.

  My breath caught seeing him in this position as if I were his lady and he was my manservant. It didn’t diminish Damian in the slightest. It only elevated him as the love of my life.

  Each brush of his fingers against my skin branded me so sweetly. Torment. To have him so close to my pussy and ass, but remain untouched…

  Damn this is torture!

  He gently traced a finger down my leg. I didn’t have to look down to know what he studied.

  “It scarred after all, Damian.”

  His marble face didn’t betray whether the pale pink line pleased him or not. Damian lifted me in his arms and set me down in the tub. The rose in my skin didn’t come from the water’s heat. His glorious gaze slowly slid over me as if memorizing every slope and curve.

  I closed my eyes. Breathing became harder as my heart pounded with a giddy mix of excitement and need.

  If only our world started and ended within these walls. Nothing and no one could come between us and we really could live a normal life…

  But could normal ever be our path together?

  Was it a fool’s dream to think everything was going to go back to how things were in Austin? Or was that time long
gone, never to come back again?

  I opened my eyes to find Damian crouched down, mere inches separating us.

  “Where did you go?” he whispered. Two fingers brushed against my cheek.

  Our life together happened in reverse.

  Covering his hand with mine, I answered softly, “I’m getting lost.”

  He understood me. “Don’t be scared, Risa. No matter where you go, no matter what happens, I’ll always find you.”

  I almost hated myself for asking the question, but I needed to know.

  “But what if I don’t want to be found?”

  I had to test him.

  Ruthlessness set the lines of his beautiful face. It was brutally stark against the utter gentleness of his touch.

  “I’ll always find you, my love. Always.”

  The vow sent a shiver through me. It twisted along my spine, raising the little hairs along my body.

  This was the Damian I needed all those months before. After accepting the man he’d become in New York it was unusual to be faced with uncompromising decisiveness.

  The Damian I knew before was implacable.

  The Damian I learned to know in New York was human.

  This Damian…I wasn’t sure if I could really expect to know him at all.

  Damian’s fingers traced a line down my neck and across my shoulder. They made a cross for his lips to mark.

  I was his treasure.

  There was so much left unsaid. So much anger and resentment and grief on my part. So much unexplained about the death in my apartment. So much I didn’t understand. So much I was determined to conquer. So much I was afraid of.

  Fear pulled me down into the murky depths of my feelings.

  Is Damian going to forever be synonymous with fear?

  The somber question disquieted me. It was a treacherous mental impulse.

  I didn’t need to waste our time like this. Tomorrow was promised to no one. We both earned that knowledge the hard way. There was no point in denying our needs.

  I wanted him and he wanted me.

  I loved him and he loved me.

  Here, inches away from Damian and with his touch on my skin, all my previous vows to guard my heart and pride meant very little. That was a reality where Damian no longer existed in my world. Yesterday’s claim of downfall was worthless.