My Love Forgive Page 11

Damian waited until I obeyed before reaching out for the decorative pitcher perched on the tub’s corner. I watched him dip it into the water and closed my eyes in anticipation.

  “You’re polite to everyone but me,” I persisted.

  “Yes. So what do you think that means?”

  “I’m your target…your release for negative emotions.”

  Water doused my face, flooding my nose and making me cough and sneeze simultaneously. “You jerk! Why did you do that?” I lunged forward to hang over the edge of the tub and eyed him evilly.

  Damian shrugged. “You wanted to play the martyr. I helped you.”

  “You…you…” I sputtered.

  “Yes, Risa?” he asked with a benevolent smile.

  31

  I didn’t have time to cover my mouth before another violent sneeze seized me. Mucus and spit oozed out, making me an unappetizing girl.

  “Here, let me help.”

  I flailed and pushed his arm away. “Ugh! Don’t, Damian.”

  “No. Look at me.”

  “No!”

  Horrified, I went to hide my face but Damian manacled my wrists with his hands.

  “Look at me.”

  “Why?” I twisted in his hold. I dug my nails into him. “Let go!”

  Damian yanked me to him. Water sloshed out of the tub. “You just said hurting me hurts you. Yet, you’re willing to do it again so you can hide. Do you see the correlation? Or do I need to be more explicit?”

  His hard whisper shamed me. Once again I treated Damian as if he had no feelings, as if he didn’t care about me at all. I went limp. “I’m sorry but I can’t help who I am.” I kept my face turned away, choosing to push my chin into my shoulder.

  “You’re fighting me harder now than you did when I chained you. Don’t you see the madness in that?”

  My cheeks flamed hotter. “Why does this matter to you so much? I look disgusting.”

  “It matters to me because I say it does. That’s all you need to know.”

  “That’s not fair!”

  “Neither is fighting me all the time.”

  I let out a long breath and blinked back angry tears. “Are you the only one who knows what’s right for me, Damian? Am I not capable of making my own decisions? Do you see me as a child?”

  “No. You can. Only sometimes.”

  His string of replies made sense to me. “Then why all this?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to be the one I regretted. I don’t want you to be someone I see years from now in a bar, making small talk about how great things turned out, all the while feeling as if I were cheated out of our life together. I won’t accept that.”

  His confession blew me away. “I just needed some space, Damian.”

  “So you say now. You wouldn’t have said that if you walked out the door. Did you remember telling me you’d never been in a relationship long enough to call it long-term. Why do you think that is?”

  “Because I’ve been meeting the wrong kind of men.” I shot him a resentful glance that didn’t leave him any illusion of what category I thought he fell in.

  “Maybe. Or maybe it’s you.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe it’s you.”

  He smiled. “I liked it when you were so much sweeter to me this past month.”

  “Yeah? I liked it better when you weren’t so crazy.”

  Damian’s grin faded. The air thickened with tension. I wished I could take back the words, but more so, I wished I hadn’t meant them.

  “You said I looked like I hated you last night. If there was any hatred in me it was because you keep pushing me away every time I get too close. All you had to do was be truthful with me.”

  This isn’t my fault.

  I tightened my lips. “I guess our truce is over.”

  Damian got up. My gaze flew over his gorgeously nude body. He met my stare unflinchingly. He left the tub and walked over to a fluffy stack of aquamarine towels. Damian brought three over to the tub and set them down on the edge. He then took one for himself and left.

  Damian didn’t say another word to me for the rest of the day.

  32

  DAMIAN

  We hadn’t spoken since yesterday morning. I’d brought her breakfast, lunch, and dinner like a faithful manservant along with leaving an array of drinks and snacks for in-between. She began thanking me for that first meal but my icy stare had frozen the rest of the words inside her throat.

  Risa had been my mute doll ever since.

  After I’d left her in the bath, I laid out a simple dress for her to wear along with a bra but no underwear for obvious reasons. Since I’d removed all the phones and computers the night I’d brought her here—except for the ones I kept in the study—she didn’t have access to the internet and would probably go mad from boredom. But I left Risa a pile of new books and a stack of DVDs, all her favorites.

  She probably had accepted their existence as proof of my nefarious plans. They were actually gifts I’d stockpiled and planned on giving to her for the holidays. Their repurpose worked in my favor.

  I couldn’t deny my anger in her withdrawal, but I would’ve done this regardless. Distance between us was necessary. Obsessed I might have been, insane I wasn’t.

  Even if that’s what she thought. Was I being sensitive? I didn’t know. I never was before.

  Risa wanted me more than ever, but her pride and worldview demanded that she had to break free. Isolation would give her time to think and time to admit that she needed me as much as I needed her.

  Away from Risa, I contacted her supervisor as well as the CEO and HR. I’d fed them the excuse that I’d contracted Risa for a pet project and she wouldn’t be back for an undetermined time period. I also let the CEO know my investigation was complete and they could hire an IT Director. I then had my personal staff ensure all of Risa’s financial obligations were paid off or paid through for the rest of the year.

  It was good to be king sometimes.

  I spent the rest of the day working. While I was able to compartmentalize well enough to power through a long list of tasks, Risa was never too far from my thoughts.

  Every half hour or so, I’d look in on her via the camera hidden in the ceiling. She slept for half the day, head under blankets. I didn’t like that because I couldn’t see if she had cried at all.

  Although I might not have been able to easily keep my distance if she had cried, so it was probably for the best. I didn’t like her tears. They made me feel uncomfortable and out of control.

  Once Risa woke up she explored the room before turning her attention to the manacle around her ankle. I’d lined the inside with thickly padded fur to keep her skin unmarred.

  I doubted Risa would appreciate it.

  She didn’t know how much worse it could be for her. Then again as an American girl from a nice family, why would she know any different?

  A Konstantinov knew what it could be for a girl to end up as a commodity. One of the family knew of the confiscated passports, endless clubs to be shuffled around, trying to pay off a debt that increasingly grew larger, and that was if she was lucky.

  But I wasn’t a Konstantinov. I was a Black-Price, raised by a couple that never tried to pass themselves off as my parents but rather my guardians. Which wasn’t to say they were unkind or distant, but their affection went no further than a servant would have for an employer.

  I learned at a young age who I had been born as, who I needed to grow up to be, and how nothing could ever get in the way of my role.

  I have no uncertainty that kidnapping my lover, locking her up in one of my private estates, and chaining her to the bed went against my life’s ambition. Freedom was an illusion at best. My cage couldn’t be seen but that didn’t mean it didn’t exist.

  Risa had examined the chain and manacle, obviously looking for some way to unlock it. That wasn’t going to happen. The only way she’d go free against my will was if she stole the key out of my locked drawer.

  Dinner was a
solitary affair. Risa had eaten in her room and I had eaten in the dining room. It was nothing like I’d imagined when I first thought of bringing her here.

  No matter. This was where we were at now. Locked in stalemate.

  Things, however, were on the upswing for me as of this morning. When I’d brought her breakfast of waffles heaped high with bananas, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and nuts, Risa had sat up and watched me intently.

  Although I’d swept my glance over her once, I vividly saw the longing she had for me. It was the same haunted look she wore so often when she thought I wasn’t looking.

  I didn’t acknowledge her by word or deed. I just placed her tray on the antique bedside table before going into the closet and pulling out another dress, this one a long-sleeved black knit. Once I placed it on the bed, I left as silently as I came in.

  That was three hours ago.

  Impatience gnawed at me. I craved her capitulation almost as much as I craved the taste of her. I’d been buried deep inside of Risa not even 24 hours before, but it felt like 23 hours and 59 minutes too long.

  Just come my way, Risa. I know you love me. I love you. Why is it this damned hard?

  Ironic given my past. I’d had more than my share of bad love affairs. My understanding was that a woman in love wanted nothing more than to be with the man she loved. My problems before were that I didn’t want to be with them.

  Risa doesn’t want to be with you for the same reason. She doesn’t love you. Not like you love her. You were a pleasant enough distraction in her life, but now you’ve become a liability.

  I abruptly stood up, slamming my laptop closed. My shaft ached for Risa and my instinct demanded I storm into her room and force her to my way of thinking.

  But I couldn’t.

  I had to take care of her feelings, the very same ones I trampled on so ruthlessly when I chained her up like an animal and not the woman I loved more than anything or anyone in the world.

  Still, if this was me in love, I’d hate to see what I could do to someone I despised.

  Inhaling deeply, I glanced at my wristwatch. Lunch was coming. I’d make Risa one of her favorite comfort foods and top it off with a freshly baked brownie. And maybe, just maybe, she’d finally be able to see that all the little things I did for her meant something coming from a man like me.

  It was a weak hope but right now it was all I could hold onto.

  33

  RISA

  I’d left the movie, a dramatic romance starring Sandra Bullock and Harry Connick Jr., running while I paced in front of the window. Damian hadn’t said word one to me since yesterday and I hated it. I’d already cried more than I liked and I missed him to the point of sickness.

  He, on the other hand, gave me the same cursory attention he would’ve given to a cat he was feeding as a favor to his neighbor. As someone who needed his fixation to an unhealthy degree, it was hell.

  It had already gotten to the point that I got so excited when I heard the door unlatch only to be bitterly disappointed when Damian deposited my food on the coffee table and left.

  The distance was wearing me down so quickly.

  Chaos broke my thoughts into tiny pieces. I couldn’t concentrate on any one thing long enough before Damian’s beautiful face rose in my thoughts. The maniacal bastard was keeping me here against my will, so why was I so hurt because he couldn’t be bothered to interact with me now that he had me?

  Worse, I yearned so badly for Damian last night as I tried to fall asleep. I’d gotten so used to cuddling up next to his large body that I felt lost and cold in the large bed last night. After waking up next to Damian the first time, I found I couldn’t sleep without him. I’d once driven over to his apartment at two in the morning just so I could wake up beside him four hours later.

  Had that only been three weeks ago?

  This need for him was an ache that didn’t let up. Exhausted, unhappy, and lost as to what to do next, I barely ate the food he’d brought me this morning. Waffles piled high with my favorite toppings, so sweet it might as well been a dessert. I’d only been able to stomach a few delicate bites before my appetite fled.

  Much like I wanted to do, only now I didn’t know if it was away from Damian or towards him. I didn’t understand why my stance on the wrongness of this wobbled. I was still so furious with him for doing this to me, but now I’d begun to question if Damian was possibly right in his justifications.

  No. I can’t let myself think this way. Not right now.

  I heard Sandra’s character say how people fell in love and then fell right back out of it.

  Although I’d watched this particular movie a thousand times, the futility of those words hit me hard. Desperation rolled right over me. I couldn’t stand for that to be true. Not about this. Not about him.

  Which meant I still had hope.

  I had hope that somehow, someway we could fix this. That the last month of learning to love this softly spoken, socially blunt man hadn’t been a mistake. That Damian wasn’t insane and I wasn’t a victim who’d fallen in love with her captor because it was easier.

  Wild-eyed, I reached down and lifted up my chain. I twisted it, letting out a high-pitched cry of frustration when it remained defiantly intact. Throwing the metal links to the floor, I whirled about looking for something, anything that would get me out.

  As long as Damian kept me on the chain against my will I’d never be able to be on equal footing with him. It had to come off, even if it was just long enough for me to plead my case and hear his verdict.

  Escape would come either way. Whether it was into his arms or not.

  That’s when my gaze alighted on the window. It was overcast outside, the grey sky of winter dulling the sky canvas. The more I stared at it, the faster a crude plan formed and took shape in my mind.

  If Damian was the man I hoped he was, he’d be forced to move me. If he moved me, he’d have to unlock the chain.

  Do it now.

  I didn’t give myself an out. Picking up the chair, I rushed the window and slammed it against the glass. Not surprisingly it shattered after three or four strikes.

  Please, Damian, don’t let me down.

  34

  DAMIAN

  Approaching Risa’s room with tray in hand, I heard the delicately violent sounds of breaking glass. My feet ate up the remaining distance and I hurriedly unlocked the door. The sight that met me chilled me more than the first time I’d seen my first murder.

  Risa stood in rough circle of glass. She was bent down, hand reaching for a jagged shard. Crimson exploded in my vision. I threw the tray to the ground and before I knew it, I’d hit her wrist with the flat of my hand with nearly all my considerable strength.

  Risa’s harsh cry of pain barely registered. Fury and fear throttled me. I snatched her off her feet and strode over to the bed. Tossing her violently, I snarled less than an inch from her snow-pale face, “Don’t you fucking move, Risa.”

  I waited until she gave me a stingy nod before stalking through the door connecting our suites. In less than a handful of seconds, I came back with the key. There was no way I could keep her here, not with hundreds of glass daggers at her disposal.

  The thought that Risa would hurt herself to escape me…that she would actually break the window just so she could take the glass and press it against her wrists or maybe even her neck…

  Agony razed through my carefully constructed mental gates.

  Damian Black disappeared.

  Damian Konstantinov emerged.

  35

  RISA

  Damian unlocked the manacle from my leg and yanked me back into his arms. “You want to die so badly, do you?”

  The tone he delivered those blunted words in was so, so soft. So, so cold.

  My startled gaze fixated on him, trying to read the clues for what had changed. Damian’s expression was a beautiful mask. Rage would’ve been welcome but there was nothing there. I was afraid by the emptiness staring back at me.

/>   Danger prickled my spine. Too late I realized I’d miscalculated how Damian would’ve reacted to my plan. I jerked my head back and forth. “N-No!”

  He grinned, malevolent. It ratcheted my obvious fear. “I think you must,” he purred. “Here, let’s see for sure.”

  “Damian, what you are going to do?” I whispered as he lifted me up. Everything was moving too fast. I couldn’t slow us down.

  “Ssh!” He strode to the window. “You want to jump, Risa? Is that what you want? You want to die so badly to escape me?”

  My small hands pressed against his chest. “That’s not true. I wasn’t trying to leave…I just…” My words disappeared as we stood by the broken window. A blast of cold wind blew in to whip my hair. We were three stories up and it was a long way down to the gravel driveway below.

  Again the question of where we were and how did he afford such a palatial estate tugged my curiosity long enough to wonder whose house this really was. And if it really was his, what other secrets had he been keeping from me?

  Obviously, now wasn’t the time to ask him. I wondered if I’d ever get the chance to ask and would he really answer me.

  Damian placed me in front of him. He hugged my body from behind, chin resting on my shoulder. His embrace mimicked that of a tender lover. However, Damian’s vicious words broke the illusion.

  “Take a good look, little girl. You see how far it is? You jump and your bones will break. This beautiful body will look like someone took a bat to it. Depending on how you fall, your face will cave in. If you don’t care about how I feel, how do you think Richard and Lila will take it? Hmm?”

  “You know my parents’ name?” Strange how that was what I focused on.

  “Of course I do. You are…special…to me.”

  Damian’s finger traced along my collar. I suddenly imagined him cracking the bone. I shivered from the darkness of my thoughts.

  “I know everything about you, Risa. I know about the speeding ticket you got last year. I know what high school you graduated from. I know that you changed your major from Sports Management to Marketing your sophomore year in college.”