My Love Regret Read online

  The sun and the moon.

  Damian but no Risa.

  Sadness crept about me. I stomped the vines before they choked me.

  Turning away from the rack, I drifted back out of the dressing room. My gaze scanned along the walls. Although I didn’t show it, Damian’s presence drew me like a lodestone.

  Curiosity pressed its paw against my defenses. Damian didn’t have to buy me anything. I had evening gowns I could wear. Granted they didn’t carry the price tag these pieces did, but since I was only going with him for business, no one would care what I wore.

  He also didn’t have to come here with me. He wanted to come.

  What to make of that?

  I fingered the bodice of a scarlet gown. A humorless smile crossed my lips. Damian might take it as a sign of a seduction. Or the way a bull did with a red flag. While tempting, I didn’t want to give him the impression anything I chose was for his benefit or approval.

  I wouldn’t give him the chance to see me as a weak, sniveling girl who didn’t have a lick of pride.

  “Mrs. Wells?”

  “Yes, Ma’am?”

  “Are dresses the only thing you have? Do you carry anything with pants?”

  Her mouth puckered in thought before she nodded. “We do have tuxedos.”

  “Designed with a feminine cut?”

  “Yes. In fact, we have several that will definitely fit and flatter your figure. Tailoring will be minimal.”

  This would be lovely. A statement impossible to deny. I wasn’t his object.

  “Lead the way, Mrs. Wells.”

  “Follow me.”

  I got the distinct feeling Damian frowned behind my back. I casually looked over in his direction. He didn’t attempt to hide his displeasure or look away.

  Damian wanted me to look like eye candy in a fancy gown? Too bad. I wasn’t his doll to dress. I’d wear whatever I damned well pleased.

  If he didn’t like it, well, that was just too bad.

  He wouldn’t keep me? Fine. I wasn’t going to push any more. I’d stay by his side until…

  Until when? Until he throws you away?

  No.

  Now wasn’t the time to think about this. I wasn’t here to cry about the brooding man staring at me as if he didn’t know whether he wanted to kiss me or kill me.

  I knew when to push my boundaries. I also knew when to obey.

  “I told you before—you’re my PA. Nothing more.”

  Very well.

  I didn’t set this in motion. He did.

  If I had to live with it then so did he.

  28

  DAMIAN

  Risa defied me once again. Shrewdly.

  I didn’t fight her victory, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.

  She eschewed my colors, the dresses, all to wear a tuxedo. I didn’t even get to see it on her. Risa came out from the dressing room with Mrs. Wells assuring her the alterations would be done within the hour and delivered to her apartment within two.

  I also didn’t even get to pull out a credit card to take care of the bill. Risa headed me off at the pass. I assumed it was at least on the account I set up for her.

  I didn’t deny feeling petulant. Risa robbed me of my covert fun. One victory—fine. I could be a good sport. But two?

  No. That pushed my goodwill.

  We left the boutique as silent as we came in. Risa kept at least two feet between us. Her expression didn’t allow for me to get closer. As usual, it wasn’t hostile, just neutral.

  I didn’t like her neutral.

  Truthfully, I didn’t like much of anything about either of us lately.

  As had become my routine, I cursed myself for trying to be a good man. What was the point of being good when it felt this bad?

  “Sir?”

  I immediately zeroed in on her lush mouth, wishing I could hear it without my cock stirring with want.

  “Yes, Risa?”

  “I can head back to the office if we’re done.”

  Since she was asking my permission, I was free to give her my answer and expect it to be obeyed.

  “No.”

  I sounded like a tyrant. So be it.

  Risa didn’t push or prod. She accepted my answer like a good girl. Except she wasn’t being a good girl. She was being a completely independent woman who didn’t give a damn about my moods or inclinations.

  Something like shame and sadness slicked about.

  What did I want from her? Did I really want her to be miserable like me? If so, then I wouldn’t have put a stop to our…whatever it was called.

  Romance. You can say it in your mind. No one will know.

  “Very well then. Where to next, Sir?”

  I didn’t care for her tone. Not that it was disrespectful in any way. That wasn’t Risa’s habit.

  Unless you push her too far. Then she screams “Fuck you!” and gets her bare pussy licked as reward.

  “I planned on getting you shoes to go with your outfit.”

  “It’s not necessary. I have several pairs that will work very well.”

  I could let it go. But how could I when I didn’t want to let her go?

  I knew I’d miss her when I forced her to leave. I just didn’t account for how much.

  She’d won her victory at the boutique. I’d win mine here.

  “I must insist, Risa.”

  She nodded but didn’t say anything else.

  I wish she was sullen. Then I could count the infraction and tally it along with the others. I could use it as an excuse to tease her. Maybe even touch her.

  But Risa had deprived me of even that. Her emotions remained locked deep inside, leaving me only with benign surface acceptance.

  Hell. Pure fucking hell.

  Still, I’d take it if it meant I had one more minute with this girl who held my heart in her small hand and had no idea of it.

  “How do you feel about McQueen?”

  She smiled, another false imitation of joy. “I like him just fine.”

  What was the cause of those smiles?

  I’d have all night to find out. And if I was lucky I’d get to see her smile for real.

  ***

  The limo pulled to the curb. I barely waited for it to stop before I leapt out. It didn’t matter how times I reminded myself that there was nothing more to tonight than work. I still had the butterflies.

  Ridiculous.

  We weren’t on a date.

  I had a couple of hours to rethink my plans. Risa was wise to me. She wouldn’t stand for me cheating on my decree. I respected her greatly for her clarity.

  Clearly, I needed her to keep me on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately, that meant no rubies.

  Nothing was going to happen beyond business. I’d move around the room, renewing my contacts, and she’d be there as my PA.

  Not as my beautiful sexy date.

  I wouldn’t dance with Risa. I wouldn’t touch her more than I had to. I wouldn’t take her by the hand and pull her into an elevator. I wouldn’t kiss her breathless as we rushed to the hotel suite door.

  I wouldn’t rip off her tux so that she’d never be able to wear it again.

  I wouldn’t lick her pussy till she screamed my name.

  I wouldn’t tie her wrists behind her back and help her bounce on my thick cock until she screamed my name.

  I wouldn’t put her on her knees and fuck her until she screamed my name.

  I wouldn’t.

  I wouldn’t.

  God help me, but I wanted to do all of that and more.

  Especially when Risa answered the door.

  My greeting died on my lips. I couldn’t fucking breathe. I thought Risa in an evening gown would be the sexiest damned thing I ever saw. I was wrong.

  “I’m ready to go, Sir.”

  A clipped nod and then I turned on my heel. I had to regain my composure before she saw how easily she slayed me.

  Quick.

  Her white satin tux hugged her curves perfectly. Be
cause I towered over her, I could see an embroidered black bra peeking from beneath the jacket. A scowl stamped my features.

  Practically every man at that event would tower over Risa. They’d see exactly what I saw. Suddenly, I was glad she didn’t wear a dress. Those bastards would get a view of her perfect tits all the way down to her perfect toes.

  I doubted Elaine would appreciate bailing me out of jail for aggravated assault.

  Risa wore her hair slicked back into a chignon. The hairstyle, while severe, framed her face perfectly. Kohl-rimmed eyes and deep red lips completed the picture.

  Risa’s beauty challenged me to keep my promises.

  I stared straight ahead as we waited for the elevator. Risa’s perfume seduced me thoroughly. I’d never smelled that scent on her before. I loved it on her skin. I didn’t love that she never wore it before.

  I would’ve loved to have smelled it when I bounced her on my knee or when I held her tightly in my arms as she slept her fever off.

  Undoubtedly, I was an ill-tempered bastard for being angry because I wanted her so much. Worse, it seemed like I was the only one affected. I knew I looked damned good in a tux. I also knew Risa loved seeing me in one from all those nights when I came home with a box of brownies or cupcakes.

  Risa didn’t attempt to make small talk. It was like I wasn’t even there.

  You’re driving me fucking up the wall, Risa. How much more am I going to have to take from you?

  I was delusional to think I could escort her tonight and not be in danger of losing control. Even though I kept my gaze up, the temptation to look down and see her bra made me clench my hands.

  The ride down was mercifully quick. I might’ve lunged for her if it was any longer.

  Maddened by the green-eyed monster uncoiling inside me, I couldn’t help but notice the appreciative gazes Risa drew during the short walk from the door to my limo. And that was with an overcoat on. I glared at a whistling young man for letting his gaze linger too long on her.

  Hopefully, the men at tonight’s function would be a bit smarter and keep their goddamned eyes to themselves.

  The driver opened the door us. She popped in before I could’ve used the occasion to help her inside. My only consolation was sitting next to her. Less than a minute later and we were off to what would surely be a night worthy of hell.

  Traffic was thick as it always was at this time. I was glad for it. I needed the opportunity to build up my walls.

  In other circumstances, I would’ve offered Risa a drink. Maybe she would’ve smiled for real if I did. As it was, we continued to stay locked in our own thoughts.

  “Is there anything I need to know about tonight?”

  I didn’t bother to turn to look at her. I kept my voice brusque to keep from betraying my flicker of joy that Risa initiated contact first.

  “Explain.”

  “Do you need me to pay attention to certain people?”

  It was a perfectly reasonable question. If Risa was anyone else I’d tell her yes. She would’ve been there to make herself useful—if she was anyone else.

  Frankly, I didn’t need her with me. I didn’t rely on anyone to smooth my path. I did the work myself.

  I wanted her with me.

  “No. You are to keep by my side tonight. Don’t wander off. I’ll take care of the rest.”

  “Woof. Woof.”

  It was barely audible. I would’ve missed it if I wasn’t so attuned to everything Risa.

  Defiance. I still had the power to get under Risa’s skin.

  Suddenly, the night seemed so much brighter.

  29

  RISA

  The benefit was nothing like I imagined. I always thought they were glamorous and exciting affairs. An opportunity to see and be seen.

  Truthfully, I found it kind of boring.

  It was hard to see why I spent so many nights feeling like I was missing out on something important. Damian circulated around the room, talking about nothing meaningful to the other powerful men. I stood by his side like a faithful dog, ensuring I didn’t stray too far from my neglectful master.

  Although maybe it was different when he took Gretchen.

  I was sure it was. After all, Gretchen was his girlfriend. She was someone he wanted to show off.

  Asshole.

  The sour thought didn’t do anything to help my spirits stay up. I really didn’t like this petty, jealous side of myself. Bitter wasn’t a mood I intended or tried to cultivate, but there it was.

  I was bitter.

  The bitterer I felt, the bigger and wider my smile became. Soon I’d look like the Cheshire cat. If only I could disappear as easily as he could.

  I could admit it. My pride was bruised and torn.

  I thought I’d be able to affect Damian tonight with my outfit. Make him take notice of just who he threw away. I knew I looked good, stunning even.

  Well, that didn’t turn out like I planned.

  He’d allowed one look and then dismissed me. Nothing changed.

  I almost wished I’d worn a damned dress instead. Maybe Damian would’ve stared harder at my tits and ass.

  No! You’re not going to go backwards, dammit!

  As much as I didn’t like being ignored by Damian, I liked the feeling the tux gave me. It was another layer of armor to show I wasn’t a pretty bobblehead attached to his side because he bought me with money.

  My currency wasn’t money. It involved that bloody, messy organ apparently locked up tight in Damian’s chest like Fort Knox.

  And I was out of love and starving.

  The music was too loud. I hadn’t eaten much and my head was starting to hurt. I had to get something in me or I wasn’t going to be any good to anyone.

  I thought about just leaving. Damian was deep in conversation and I didn’t want to interrupt him. I took one small step to the side. He immediately glanced over at me before turning his attention back.

  There was nothing for it. I touched Damian on the arm. He excused himself from the CEO of a tech company. Leaning down, he asked softly, “What is it?”

  “I’m getting a drink. I’ll be back.”

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “I’m fine. You can stay here.”

  Damian’s mouth tightened. I recognized that look from all the times I believed I irritated him. He swore I didn’t, but after getting to know this side of him I believed Damian lied to me.

  The man who never lied did it because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

  The pain pierced my walls. Emotionally unavailable bastard. Why did his strange, twisted kind of love hurt me so?

  Because I missed it the most.

  Damian’s glare softened. I feared I let too much of my thoughts show on my face.

  “You’re here as my date. You shouldn’t have to get your own drink. I’ll get it for you.”

  “Ah, thank you.”

  I expected him to leave me there. Damian wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to the bar instead.

  Wiggling slightly, I tried to move out of his hold. “Hey, don’t do that.”

  Damian pulled me tighter. “Why not?”

  “People might get the wrong idea. You’re a taken man. I do not want to be part of any kind of rumors about you two.”

  “Relax. No one cares about that.”

  “I care.”

  Damian bent down and whispered in my ear, “Hush, little girl. Your reputation is safe. I haven’t been seen with Gretchen in a while. We’ve broken up for all the world knows. That’s how it’ll stay too if I have anything to do with it.”

  Wait. What?

  30

  Just when I found my footing with Damian, he did or said something to knock me completely off-course.

  I swear he did it on purpose.

  Either that or it was the ultimate form of control.

  Damian’s fingertips smoothed over my hip, like they always did back when he had dominion over my body and could touch it whenever he pleased.
/>   Looking up at his profile, I saw he wasn’t paying attention to his hand’s movement. It would be so easy for me to assign it special meaning, to believe some part of him still remembered me.

  I wasn’t going to be that stupid again.

  Damian demanded I come because he could. I did it because that was my job. He wasn’t touching me because it meant anything.

  It didn’t mean anything good and real. Neither did his words.

  Maybe Damian was fucking with me. Maybe he wasn’t. I wouldn’t pick at this. I’d accept it for what it was. I wouldn’t even ask him about Gretchen or the grenade he tossed out like no big deal.

  But my God did my lips itch to ask the question!

  “Here you go. Rum and coke.”

  “Thank you.”

  I took a sip and scanned the room while my thoughts clambered over one another. What did he mean that he hadn’t been seen with Gretchen? I thought that was the whole damned point of removing me from his penthouse!

  “Aren’t you going to ask me what I meant?”

  His confirmed he was still able to read my mind far too easily.

  “No. It’s none of my business.”

  Damian edged closer. “Very well. We won’t speak of it.”

  Was it another game to him? Reverse psychology? I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

  “Good.”

  “Are you enjoying yourself tonight?”

  As usual, I ran everything I said to him through a filter. It’d almost become second-nature.

  “Yes, I am.”

  “Really? What part?”

  Any other normal person would take the answer at face value. Not Damian.

  “The balloons.”

  He raised his brow. “The balloons.”

  “Yes. Seeing them makes me happy.”

  Blame the five year old in me.

  Damian stared at me for another second before shifting his gaze across the room.

  “I like this part.”

  “What? Your drink?”

  “No. Not having to talking about anything other than simple balloons.”

  Embarrassment touched the tip of my ears. I’d given him an honest answer and left the door open for messy emotion to come through.

  Pull back!

  “I guess balloons would be a trivial thing. Onto something more important. I see that Mr.—”